Meaning

There is a meaning
to it all
To the night,
to the day
To all those bright
and to those at play

There is purpose to it all
A question that entangles
with each passing day

Everything around me
for a reason
I like

Everyone around me
is either defiant
or a stranger to me
outright

Everyone but you
either comes or goes
It's just you
and what you bring
that I can't
deny, define
blasphemise
or keep away

I know, no one
or nothing seems alike
Yet it doesn't quite
add up to
my feeling about you,
so uptight

I find the truth
in your reflection
While I'm trying
to foresee the signs

Everything I see
I'm not fond of
and nothing since
has felt divine

I hear the meanings
in your silent verses
and find myself
cogitating upon my muse

Not looking for theologies
to establish my mind
as a desolate's recluse

I pray in affinity
for it to further my amuse

For you to know

the reasons I can never accuse

The meanings are mostly

in the logics

I understand in dismay

The things we disagree on,

the answers I never get

and the moments that are as fresh as today...

Who will cry when you die?

I am beginning
to fancy this flight ...

Might is right
and the feeling of divinity
is not quite serving me,
not letting me absolve the ignite

I'm tired of this
everyday fight and
I'm tired of things
not turning out all right

Tartuffes, all of them
wait for my demise
Demurely irreverent
of the bickering burning bright

I'm not looking for names
In fact I'd love it
if people call me by none

I'm not looking for fame,
it drives love far away
and feelings deep within
are caged and love stoned

I'm looking for life
and following what I know of her
Till she guides me,
I'm bound by her night and day

I'm just bound to live it
till I think I'm quite done
These are moments of music
and till my turn comes
I'll swallow swift mirth

I'm not quite sure why,
when we know
we'll be through someday,
we still mourn an absence
while condemning presence

Wry, I'm not quite sure,
if we know death is a journey
then why don't we gear up not to cry?

Maybe this passage is not for all,
a pleasant lullaby

I'm sure though
we all care for and whom,
what we leave behind
and so much so we start
writhing before they begin
to cry...

I ask you,
Who will remember anything
any 'who' or 'why'
Who will cry when you die?
Who will die,
when others about your belongings
acrimoniously pry?

What we leave behind
and what others think and
say of you and me
would never change
What I am will not remain

What matters whilst I'm alive
is what I am and
become to my decide
For neither love nor hate
would ever set me free

This is the only way I know
I will continue to be
long beyond the last
they see of me . . .

पंछी हूँ ...

उड़ने चला,
मैं हवाओं में समाने चला
रस्ते खुले
मैं तो चलता चला...

तुम ना मिले
मंजिलें घुल गई
मैं ख़ुद को भुला
और जो पाया नही था

उसी खोज में ख़ुद
को भूल चला

मंजिलें नही
रास्ते ही सही
रास्तों में मुसाफिर सा
चलता चला

साथी नही
है, तोः बस एक एहसास

गम भी नही
कैफियत से तृप्त है हमारी प्यास

कभी न मिटने वाली
वो आस

जिसे संजोये
सोचते हैं हम
की क्या पाए बिना
हम तुम्हे खो पाएं हैं

उड़ान के दायरे
में है तुम्हारा घर
जिसमें से झांकती
है तुम्हारी खामोश नज़र

तुमने कह दिया तोह
ग़म के क्या पैमाने हैं
जो सब खमोशी में
सुन गए
क्या वोही सच में सयाने हैं?

दुःख की न तकलीफ
की इनायत है
आने वाले पलों
के मौसम सुहाने हैं

क़ैद पिंजरों में
आज़ादी के मायने हैं
खुले आस्मान
केतोः रहनुमा सितारे हैं

उड़ान उन उन्मुग्द
परिंदों की ओर
ज़िंदगी है रौशनी उमीदों के साथ


यादों की मिटटी में
कितने दिन दिल बेह्लायेंगे
थोडी दूर तुम ले चलोगे

कुछ रास्ता हम ख़ुद बनायेंगे

थोडी दूर उड़
आकाश के सब संगी
बचपन के कुछ पंखों
पर सपनों सा कुछ दर्द पाले
कहाँ जायेंगे

इंतज़ार करना ज़मीन
हमारी शिद्दत की कसम
एक और आशियाँ हम बनायेंगे ...

Possess

The air, the water
this land, my heart
Why the latter
made you tempt from the start?

We were born
wild and free
and yet were told
would come a feeling
that'd never let us be,
only to be possessed
and rescued willfully

How can I say,
what doesn't make me flee..
Is it your non-existence,
your active presence
or your nonchalance
over feelings, those that
make you feel we'd never be?

Free, is what they say
I'm outside of love
Dream, yet I dream
about what within
I really wish to be

I know there are things
you don't say
while you know
there are things
I keep to myself too

Hoping between
thoughts and thinking
as I hope those would
stumble to lips too

Silence conquers abysmal terrains
as echoes bring closer
those darker hues,

The feeling of clarity
is not from those
outside or within,
neither is it relief to find
those feeling akin

Perspicuity is what you had
all along when you were singing
while it rained
and we walked together
without knowing each other's song...

Possessed, I am
What else do you see?
Possessed you are too
if not by solitude
than by perpetuosity

Should I stop being myself?
Should I stop looking for you?
Should you know I am possessed
may you live to be in one too . . .

सवाल

कुछ अनकही बातों में
कुछ अनसुनी हवाओं में
कहते हैं , भूलेंगे हम
उनको अपनी ही निगाहों में

रास्तों में
दिशाओं में
मिलने की कैफियेत है
अपनी परछाई से ...

उस तन्हाई से
जिसे सोचा था हमने
पीछे छोड़ आए हम ...

मिलने को निकले थे
घर से परिंदों से,
मिलते रहे खुशनुमा हवों से
आए कई रास्तों मे
फ़रिश्ते थे
कहते रहे हमसे ठोकर है
राहों में

कुछ पल उस चेतना में बिखर
खोजा तोः हमने सिसकती आहों में
मगर आर या पार कोई बतलाता
हमें ठहर,
अच्छा नही हर डगर पर
अगर-मगर

कहने को तोः मुझे उस पल के याद
सताती है
न कोई रुत न मौसम
एक अरसा हुआ है ख़ुद को खोये
मगर चिंता में हर प्रार्थना
याद तुम्हारी लाती है

अब यहाँ कौनसी रौशनी है
जो ख़ुद बिजली बन मन बहलाती है?
सब तोः हैं ऊर्जा से भयभीत
किस्से कहें
हमें रात नही भाती है ..

ग़म मिलते तोः निखारती थी दुनिया
यह बुनियाद तो उन दीवारों से थी
अच्छा किया जो चुरा लिए सपने
रहते शिकार पर तोः टूटे थे ज़रूर

जब हो सकी न बात तोः
हमने येही कह दिया
''यूं हमसे रूठ के जाने का शुक्रिया''
और वह हंस कर चल भी दिए

असमंजस के क्षणों
ने बिजलियों को आग में
बदलने ना दिया

रात भर सोचते रहे हम कैसे कहें
और उस एक नज़र ने हमें रोने भी ना दिया

आभी-अभी खोये हैं वादे
अगर मिलके उड़ लें संग
तोः शायद आस्मान को ज़मीन से मिलादे ...

जिनको लाँघ कहा था हमसे
मधुर प्रतीक्षा के इस जलसे में
मंजिलों के खोज तो तुमसे ही है

तृप्त होने से पहले हो सके तो एक बार
मिलकर हमसे कर लेना सवाल सारे

Alibi

I felt once
I have the gift
and then I was told
I mustn't lie...
I posted my quotes
from coast to coast
and I traveled far and wide,
to bring those out
who were happy to hide
I sheltered in their pain
and I laughed in the gain
till it made no sense
for me to guide
I made the most
of living life
as a saintly ghost
till I came across the anonymity within
It was darker than the night
and there was nothing I could hide
And I felt as if I wouldn't remain...
I could see it did stem
from whom
I was running away from,
while wanting to be too much
of what I was too shy to say
I was to wake and never wry
I was to break this myth and untie
I walk in hope for the days will come
I walk to ensure, mine they'll be ...

This day

Let me forget
what it is to sin
Let me withdraw,
even if momentarily
the urge to let go
and hold
Let me, let me not
pen but sing
these stories untold
Let me follow
the wind I've been
gaiting in my heart
Let me count
no more of my wasted tears

All of my life
and all my life
into and with you,
that I never did start

A dream that I kept
sophomore, one which
would leave me
breathless and gasping for more

I wouldn't know why
it'd come to be,
this life with no time
for cheer

Just casting moments
of melodrama and
that ever bountiful smear
of joy writ large over in grace

I grieve not, this day
though will meet its end
I shall carry it
with me
before it slips out like sand

Let me submerge,
in that laughter,
that yesterday once more

Let me love tomorrow
like my yesterday's
Head over heels;
I've come beyond existing
I've come far beyond ...

To have and to hold

To miss you
while you're still in embrace
To live you while
I'm still glowing in your grace
To hold you while death
cheats a gaze
To feel love before
I run out of days
To run with life
with heart held above my head
To swim and fly
while the sky dissolves in this tear
To run and hide
before the dream catcher binges on my fear
To cry before longing becomes reality
and parting pain
To cruise with you in
the hunger for insanity
and for once
close eyes to all logics inane
To dance with you a
little dance of curiosity
To sing a little hopeful song
in the moments lasting cheer

To die a few deaths,
before days run out; ablaze
To hold you like a memory
out of sight yet a thing to flout
like a child happy in the nonchalant of ways ...

Remains of the day

Shadows on my way,
step aside and let me sway
I'm entangling further away
from or into disarray

I wouldn't know
and who is to say
The light in my mind
is too bright for the feelings
that flourish deep within

The sight to my eyes
is cascading to the dream
I keep

I'm crying but my present
it doesn't let me keep
my tears, my fears,
your thoughts
or even the pain

The remains of the day
they are built up this way,
they're made of nothingness
yet the absolutism
that I could only obey

I would walk on
miles and miles
and yet never feel this way
as the few steps
that I took in those shoes
that set on me
as night turned to day

I don't ask you
as I no longer need you to say
what I feel is enough
for both of us
as memories pile up
what fate continues to bring way

I don't know if serendipities end
I don't see life turning normal anyway
The numbness has ceased
and melancholy began

And I'm planning to let it stay ...

Close

This is how it goes ...

I believe we keep
on moving on till neither
of us remembers or knows
I sense this is what remains,
what lies ahead
and what lies behind
are tiny and insignificant
considering what remains
is strong enough to bind
matters over together, what we
are trying to find

Crashing and pushing
our way through destiny
and truth untold
I've uncovered in the laps of
agony myself manifold
and hence you ...
I'm closer, than
I've ever been to myself
I'm closer to myself
because I'm closer to you
I still look within
and I realize as I go deep
all the shallow places
are filled and there is so much
more love to reap
I have seen the longing
in your eyes and the wait
that you never did
despise,
one that led that life
back from gray
I've known the tempest

and I've been one too

There is no joy in belonging

though when the reunion

is any less than through

two solemn souls invisible to mortalities

or obligations of the ritualistic world

yet sharing a abode thats true...

This is then how it goes ...

Nobody says and nobody knows

Nobody, but the ones who share ...

Steps

Walking down the way
I saw what I felt all day
I felt what I never needed
all my life

I kept asking
why did it become this way?
I was seeking a stranger
and I was feeling
stranger to myself thinking
this way

I kept saying what
I wanted you to be
I kept seeing you with someone
and that was me ...

Steps I took
to keep this dream awake

Steps I took to never
let this isolation shake
For your and mine
and the miscellaneous sake

Words, mumbled prayers
I kept chanting in probation
for some grace
I prayed for disposition
as reverberations brought
back what I was willing to fake

Steps, I took to extend
a hand from within
to a mirror that was not
a smooth surface

Steps, I was to take were
in hope to never retract from a
slippery surface

I was holding onto
the surface
and the grip was fast glooming
my grin
I was looking for an apt
purpose and the more
I thought, the more
it looked grim

I was willing to shake
what others were ready to ignore
I was ready to make
what I never though I could ensure
And yet delusions were sweeping me wild

I would let it go in and out
Oh!, Beauty a thing to flout
Love and I had a will to win
I wasn't losing ground
and she wasn't caving in ..

Steps then, there were enough
to keep distances that I never
thought I wouldn't break

Seasons came and swept in doubts
and convictions I wasn't able to conjure
The more I looked, the less I saw
the more I saw, the less I was ready to stake

I knew in my sleep
and I knew when I did quest
I would never be too sure
To be the learner, I am destined
never a master, a recorder,
so my destiny flows . . .

Exploring all things on the way
broken, battered, scarred
and all others noteworthy,
to plug and play

I can't be shy,
my mother once said
Never think of what people
would think of me
And there, I started dreaming
I would write my destiny

not waiting for fate..
not waiting for serendipity..

While I sleep over it
and appreciate the help, my
dreams extend to let me seek..
I fought for love
I fought for glory

I may not live my altered reality
but I am living by my theory,
those steps that I long fought hard
to make

I walk the line and I keep tracing
where it led and where it was
to let me be ...

Fate

Seeing the stars
in my sleep
I am flowing through the moonlight
while you keep,
my sanity,
my pain

I shake the myth
and emerge less inane
I fumble through
the lies
and stumble deeper
trying to contain

My truth, my life
my dreams,
take two --
leave no spare

Hold me close
infinity..
I'm driving
down your way

Sit and watch me go
silently,
while I try

and hold what I can't
let go,
and frame my dispositions
with reverence
old friend

While the vision is bleak
and the narratives still seek,
the conjecture
is oblivious to maybe's and fright

Mighty might
would you restore ..?
Seek serendipity,
serenity's fast melting core
never waiting

longer than to be sure

The layers of hope
turn a new shape
Turn the slayer
to cope

and turn it well to

retain its stake

Adaptations are those
that'll turn your thoughts
away ..

Look at the black
of the night
and
the color you think
your life will portray

Perspective shifts,
no longer looking for meanings
while looking forward
to another day

While the night
rests on its laurels
and deeds that

did deep within, fair

I dismiss hate,

I submit fate ..