2011

365 reasons and rhymes held dear

I bid goodbye to you, my favourite year

Love, labour and paradise, all so near

up and down and all around

I tasted some life,

a lasting reason for cheer

Some thoughts and some reservations

you presented me with my aspirations

Some fulfilled promises and some unrequited fears,

dancing to life's dynamic beats

now with a memory held dear 

Some Shakespearean proses and a bit of King Lear,

the never ending conversations and mentations

I longed to hear and feel...

You brought me day and then some light
even when it rained, the sun sparkled bright

Wiser and patient at the cusp of forthcoming delights

cautious not to fumble the saucerful of dreams,

wanting to relive the journey that began

even as I wait for the tide to rise at the seams

To a journey that shall forever unfold

life and times of a scriber digging for gold

the old gives way to the new

as I seek 365 more memories

With a mouthful of sky and a heart burning bright

my best stories I keep for twilight...

शून्य 

एक अधूरी सी कविता

एक टूटा विचार

शब्दों की कैफियत 

एक बदलता संसार

एक खोया समय
एक बिछड़ी घडी
ज़िन्दगी की कसौटी
पे वक़्त के बदलते आसार


कुछ गूंजती आवाजें
खामोशियाँ कुछ
कुछ बहते से आकर


खोयी हुई परछाई 
मैली एक दीवार 
धुन्दला सा सबका प्यार
   
क्यूँ कुछ सुनना है
किस से छुपाया है
और किस तक पहुँचाना है


जो गुप्त है उसपे निशाना है
और जो ज़ाहिर... खैर पुराना है


मेरे तेरे में क्या पराया है?
जो नहीं खोया क्या उसे गवाया है?


ख्यालों से लड़ते तुम पर बिगड़ते 
दुनिया में बढ़ते 
ऐसे क़दमों पर कहाँ था संसार


आँसुओं की भी अपनी रफ़्तार है
जो बहते हैं धुल जाते हैं
नहीं धुलता तोह ये खुरदरा संसार 

खुद से खुद को न कर पाए अलग
तुम से खुद को लेकिन कर दिया जुदा


और अब खुद से कुछ खुद ही अनजाने हैं
पहचाने कुछ चेहरे हैं पर लगते बेगाने हैं 

हकीकत में पड़ती गिरती संभालती  
कुछ पन्नों में ढलती 
एक कविता क्या बनेगी इस जीवन का सार


शून्य से बने हम
शून्य से बना संसार


शून्य बन ढले हम
शून्य जब बना आकार

Heartbeat

There are no breaks to my devotion

that I love you is a lasting emotion

What changes is the flavor of seasons and time

But I'm yours and you're mine

I know the many promises I made

To be by your side is the one I'd never break

And to love you even if I fall apart

Near of far, you're everything that's my heart

Candidly I can say

I'm incomplete and powerless while you're away

I wake through night and wade through the day

the need for you keeps gnawing at me

while I put all else away

I know you love me

I know you do

I wonder if you feel as dead as I do,

lost and incapable, waiting for my turn

to be touched by you, come undone

Blessed are those bitten by desire

lost in daylight with radiance within

wishing and keeping all else away

pushing for greatness with obscurity for keeps

Devotion has no other name

resting in your arms I see all other pleasures turn profane

and dewy eyed I remember all worldly ways

that guide me back towards our sacred race

The clock keeps ticking

the time too passes by

what remains is the reality

that I'm not the me in 'I'

I'm lazy by nature

but hope is my exercise

my heart it pumps on the sole premise

nestled within a dream someday

things will be like they say...

Until then, keep me in your dreams,

I'll keep you in my days

and whenever the glow weakens

I'll look upto your face

Descend dancing in the moonlight

and stay a while, I'll wait my turn

never mind if I wake up

never mind if I don't 

I'm keeping my heart where it'll beat

till I know you've returned...

Saucerful

To the brim and a little tipped over my shoulder for luck

I drink to our todays...

As the light fades, your glow deepens

and intoxication grows

from my eyes to your heart

the silk route and the thread that's

holding ever tender emotion in place

One emotion, one alone

I'm incomplete and you are my own

In a labyrinth of my own device

I run from shadows in which

my old foe loneliness resides...

Bound by ties that run deeper than blood

our love stands testimony to all life,

mortal and beyond

And though I can find you in a million

without a trace

I know with each storm we weather

there long hundreds to join the race

The wind with each storm comes to break my stride

my galloping faith, growing forevermore

with each and every stride

From rustled leaves to nestled oblivion

to every fallen drop of dew

all are but silhouettes of you,

a mere capillary

and the blood that's you...

Drink to me sometime, your sacred cup of salvation

a victory toast to that never ending elation

the forever sensation - love

that gives life meaning...

I thirst for more, even when you leave me humbled like you do

after and before, come on, I can take some more...

People drink for varied reasons, mine is but one

I wish to see no other, when you leave my sight, my sun

I could tell you this intoxication lasts me the day

but at night I struggle when all that's brushed (aside) comes to play

I long for you again, no there is no reprieve...

Insipid believer, oh, whoever said it is a sane virtue...

You couldn't be estranged, you are the one

you could try leaving, and I would be here waiting you return

If love makes one fearless I wouldn't know
I'm a soldier marching on,  I know not what lies ahead
but I'm living yours like I've always done

The inebriated state of my love is your divinity
my big gain...

People may call those in love fools
Ah, intelligence is such despicable gain
Never trying is never knowing
what you missed is what you remained

Take these tales, they are all I have
I'll drink to them with you

I seek not sobriety, I make no tall claims

it remains to be seen if I last, when sanity is all that remains

If I ever come to my senses, I'll think about what I could do
die in this vanity or continue living in you...

 
पास

आँखों की आज भुझ्ती नहीं प्यास
दूर हो तुम और हर एक आस
कह भी दें, जो न कहें
चुप जो रहे,
न होंगे पूरे आज

पास तो है सब कुछ
बस दूरी के उतने ही 
जितने खुद के रहते थे करीब

चलते हुए चुभते कम हैं
जीते  जब तक, तब तक ग़म है
और ग़मों से कुछ हम कुछ तुम पूरे
और कुछ कम है

शामें गयी, पर तू नहीं
बंद आँखों में भी न है वोह यकीन
चुप करके कुछ बता दे आज
कहते कहते तो बोहत बोल गए
मगर सुनते तो आज कहाँ ग़म था ....

If the time has come
there is no way
you can know
for if you still ask
you may never get the
satisfaction
of basking in the afterglow
that comes
with taking a risk,
a leap of faith,
a test of not conviction
but courage
that will stand the test of time
a poetic message that's your song
with a soothing rhyme

If it will make sense
a few years from now
I can't say
If you will cherish this
as much as it scares you today
If you will look back
and smile on this moment
I can but try and guess
and not know for sure

But ask yourself what would you be
who do you seek to emulate,
a convenient yesterday or a
tomorrow full of hope and glee?

I chose not to project my past onto my future
I live for tomorrow not for yesterday
if the past was good
the future will be better

If you agree with any of this
you know what you did
was the best you could
to live up to your dreams
every step of the way...

Laugh when you can
Try when you should
Cry when you need to
but don't look back when
future's too good

Yours' is, I know it only better than you
you are getting there
and you will
at your own pace

Till then just
arrest the dew drops
and numb the gravity
for when you accelerate
they will be bystanders with no footfall

It's time to move on
It's not night if you see carefully
it's breaking dawn...

NEARNESS OF YOU

Dressed in black and blue

wearing a mischievous smile

 

Walking as if you own the world

and smiling as if it’s been a while

 

You come… and serenade the mundane

blow by blow

I ask, where did I let myself go…

Where did I lose focus in time?

The endeavor or the grace,

where did I fall out of my fast pace

and slowly started to live back time...

The moment you start

is the moment I became benign

I know little is known of you

to those standing in line

And I may too end up
waiting in time
but I'll take every chance
that gets me to you

One day at a time
I think we can make it through
till you become me
or I you...

And what would I not give if I could find...

what you hide in silence

Are those the words that will set me free?

But all that you look for

and all that you do

is what makes you true

I try and hide, keep a level head

and grow far out of sight,

keep calm and while away time

 

Because when you walk away,

each time it causes deep pain

It’s a feeling I’ve not known
and I know somehow I won't again

But it comes to me and remains

with long after I’ve mulled

all that there was to

In silence and at midnight

I am used to being my own cynosure

you’ve come and displaced
that rapture, jolted the core..

Everything there was, I was

after and before...

And I thought I was complete

before you came and chipped me away

and in the most populous of places

I feel more barren than I was yesterday

And yet I long to wait in each line

knowing not what lies ahead..

 

Could it be a mirage that lulled me in time...

Hoping you'd have me

somewhere in your heart if not mind...

Could I ever call you mine…?

I know I must be losing it

cause somehow I take everything you give me

as a final part of this tale

It kills me to know we’re not conjoined at heart...

we never were and it may stay so; we grow apart

 

But growing old together is my wistful mind at play

And gnawing at its doorstep is a hope

that this winter will turn

into a romantic autumn someday

And the hope wakes me up each day too

I could die each night

if all my mornings were to begin with you

And all that you leave behind is something

I could never earn...

And what could I say to you but go on…

I’m lying in hope,

only hoping that it brings some respite

I know odds overwhelm me

like nothing else in the world
and its them against my might

And yet I dare to ask you each time
you are the one for me and there's nothing
that will close that thought in time

It’s the audacity of hope that makes me inane

to bleed out any shame, discomfort or pain
and look beyond that dysfunctional logics
that obfuscate the pain

And seek you till you’re far away from my sight

and might... (which I know you never will be)

and nestled in oblivion…

And if curtains fall on this sight

I’ll not be putting up any fight…

I'm in love and always will be...

Somewhere, happy I’ll be dreaming,

gazing down your deep magical eyes

relinquishing alone in my heaven…

of togetherness that would only renew

  A vision that remained

while you leapt towards skies…

AN EQUAL MUSIC

Some new notes from my eyes on display

a few heart to heart tunes

and the music melted everyone away

I don't play for the distinguished wholes

or say it for the unsung souls

I could play though what would fight the light

to keep you where I savor the sight

Far from the prying eyes

I did take you away

but now that you are far from me

I take refuge in the musings of the moments

spent together

a comatose time

no feelings or thoughts spoken

any emotion would do just fine

please just keep indifference at bay

'take some pictures

that you may keep

that will lighten up your day

while I will go for my beauty sleep'

deep within I know you like I never knew myself

and I see what you look for is right through me...

painfully true and truly painful too

Can I stop and apologize,

its just me, just me and its meant to...

Its meant to ache and that's not where

I lose my way

It bites and stings and I would let it too

but this numbness that gnaws at me

in the wake of night...

I could get lost in your eyes

and believe everything in the end

will always be alright

Taking heart, there is another day

some more pain and some love to give away

O selfish heart, why do you seek

how can you keep what isn't yours to stake

Enough now, lets see where this night meets day...

I'm Yours...

I’ll wait my turn
I’ve waited before
I’ll wait some more

 
I’ll wait for you to think,

till you can’t think no more

I know you’ve doubts
fears and inhibitions that you can’t flout,
that like clouds exacerbate your pain

I know you do...

 
And I do long to seek what makes you
lose your sleep, so I could take it all away 

Give you love, and make you stay

I’ll loll in wait
Ah! Everyday I’ll take shelter till then
under you long tresses,

the never-ending mane

To let you see that I’m here to stay
I love you so; it gets hard to be away
But I’m willing to, 

there is no wait more worth I’ve had to make

I know I came and messed it up 

I couldn’t long any more in your wake
You, my muse, kept me wide awake
and swept me up from where I fell last
and picked me up and kept at the task

I know I ask a lot from you too
But liking me will be loving yourself too

 
I know I said ‘like’ and I know you're yet to feel that too

but the truth is... that I love you

 
I’m yours, 

and that position I know was never mine to take

But I’m here now

and there is nothing I will not stake,

to let you go will be

the biggest mistake I'll never make

To hold you up and still my doomed fate
there are no promises I would break...
 I’m willing to walk the line
If I know you’re mine

I know it sounds cheesy, it may read so too
some old limerick from a third grader, who
can’t seem to think through...

 
And a kid I’ve become as I know not anyone pure,

 who could say it without crossing his heart

that he is sure…

Course, they say love is an adult affair,

two sorted minds who could turn up in pairs,
and you fit the bill, I know you do

 
To think of anyone would kill me,

through and through

And I know you’re as right

as I can get in life

 
And come what may,

I’ll be here as much as I was yesterday

 
Your love has made me stronger this way
So keep smiling and let me hold you like you have...

 
It’s because you’re stronger,

you’ve the strength to guide
my love and fears in your direction

 
And there isn’t a better form or affection that I know

Thank you,

you’re much more to me

than you’ll ever know…

I’m yours

and I know I’ve got nothing to show (for it)

Except that I...

I’m here to stay,

and I will be here

even if you go away…

EMPTY SPACES

Talk to me about your soul

tell me the word that best rhymes
with whole

Give me a peek into the black

and let me shine in benign

Keeping all nerves at bay

he's been wanting to say

she's been holding his sleep

and its been that way

I can't tell you how deep

the fable blends in sleek

what changes is little 

as night gives way to day

the hope is in kind,

an affection that lives in his mind

a vignette little less than perfect

hangs in dismay

and the feelings inside are but

a cure, no restitution possible

as the ailment is far from pure

the mind plays trivial games

hunts at night and hides all day

no one brings to light

what chiaroscuro is building at the bay

Tell me this is not a rabbit hole

with reflections of past

coming back to life

He moves from hope to courage,

mortgaging his fear

Looking back there were no chances taken

so all that was lost was just never there...