BREAKING DAWN

An open door

with eyes wide shut

a breathing body

with a decrepit soul

sense of a life of semblance

with no human form to embrace or abhor 

For every start the answer is new

the path is unknown

and the reason is you

A sense of fear of not loneliness,

but a dark spell

cast by the envious white light

cursing me with nothing else but insight

Where could this take me, no cure

living inside a mind

I'm trapped and abject

to all around, unsure

And you couldn't come to see

me at dusk

I bared my soul 

to the crowd

and yet you could only be

who you were

who you wanted to be

someone, somewhere

but not a cure for my insanity

In broken ways I wonder why I still ask

for you

for myself

for any insipid ask

Should I just mourn or wait for twilight

if you could see me now

I'd disappear into the background of 'despite'

I couldn't ask you question

how could I

what if you had an answer

for all I would have is an alibi

for standing, waiting

not moving or seeing

anything else left for me from yesterday

except you...

Tonight stands for you and me

for all that we are

and for all that we can never be

ASYLUM

 Wake me up 

I want to climb up the wall

don't trim me down

I'm not going taking the fall

I'm not looking for shelter

or a place to weep

drink me down with the dew

I'm running through my sleep

Shades in this darkness

have the same hue

silence before the storm

that I'm fighting over you..

Where do you dissipate,

my philandering soul

why do you nest in the

sordid sky

Why when you can't walk

you want to size the earth

spleen the green

and sip the mirth

I prayed for wings

but my tears bled me dry

I leapt in the air

but the ground fell shy

I call for your dreams

mine are far behind my sight

don't think of me when I'm gone

I wouldn't be glad to know 

I was right

Kill me if you must

but let me know if we survived

I've lost fear of dying

for its living that I've survived

When I'm done sleeping

I'll gauge my fall

look in the mirror

and wait for you call...

Perfectly lonely

something somewhere

somewhat amiss

thinking and grieving

I can but ignore

where is the silence

that I've not wanted to endure

in between walls

sounds of hollow shaken beauty

and a myth of

guarded demons shadowing the night

tame the hunger

the desire, the greed

taste the bittersweet

the ride to follow

here comes the sun

here comes the sun

no sun to follow

the darkness too hollow

the mystery is

that there is but none

a want to deep

and a rage to run

far and wild

and up and above

to a placed call home

where I will meet love

and but there the story won't end...

Face-lift

Take me in your stride

I've been an eyesore for long

Or tell me where to hide

Now that I've found you

I can't move on

At least tell me the meaning of this divide

I can't fathom another misfortune

Leaving and parting are meanings

I fail to accept

I've been numb far too long

People came and left

and took with them

what they saw was warm

when you came around and

mended me through

time seemed to stand still

and life seemed to renew

I woke up and sought a new life

and forgot the miseries that befell

Sing me now a victory song

before you move to your seams

I wish there was no more storms

but such is life

and I too will march on

MINDFUL

I don’t hide it

But I wish I could side it

With my might I can light it

But with your rationality you can sight it…

I can but say and ignore

Wanting before speaking

And thinking after knowing

What I have is most pure

And what I let go

Will get brighter in the day

All those dreams will get stronger

While I keep them at bay

And all the silence that I hold inside

Will keep me farther from you and the light

I wish to tell you that this mad outlaw

Is also a reason of a sordid flaw

That is innate in me, that is me

That is you, that is pure

Of course there are aberrations

How can they not be

When you’re dealing with humans

Who can be emotional but not sure

Pure and impure are transient in time

Can you sing me with sanity any long lost rhyme?

You’ll see the meaning fades away

Faces wrinkle and voices wither away

A pale shadow of our mortal self

Every yesterday will tell you too

Thinking will not cut it

Doing it will make us true

I can hold onto dreams

Till they turn into reality

Till they make me see you

In the morning light

And under the night sky akin

But what do I do with reasons

That tell me I’m not to be myself

Not in front of scores

Not till we’ve see this phase

Not till we've lived in place

In lieu of what we are meant to be...

OUTLINE

Lying in wait to be found

moving in circles, round and round

asking for wait and waiting too

Oh, I’ve not forgotten what I was to you…

Lovers in meaning and surrogates for fate

blending in healing for welter aftertaste

Quiz me now of a broken bridge

bonds that bend, 

and of the twists in the fate

And I’ll sing you a soothing rhyme

Nothing beyond the story I’ve timed 

and the reality

that today is so blue....

Twisting and turning and longing for churning

A hope put out off late…

a long forgotten wait...

Oh, but I could be the same to you

I could tear the sky and paint your face

And let it hang there for it to dry

Mortal and pure, neither after nor before

I could wait for signs from up above

and ask for a favorable end...

Wondering into, a dream castle anew

and wet sands clustering my view

One who can endure

could come and be me for sure

But I…

Oh, but I could dig a hole

an incomplete aberration of pure

and lie their while the sand wades

through the helter-skelter sun

Waiting to rob me of my sky

I could come if you close your eyes

Wish in me to keep you alive

And that way I’ll be through

Living and dying, vying for you…

Somebody's someone

sometimes I feel I know it all

all the hurt, big or small

you could tell me 

and I'd not find anything new

of what love is, 

of what you need

and what you want

and what you speak

in all your stance

I know what you think

and I know why you do

I think I know something about

everyone but nothing about you

You, my image

that carries my fall

I wonder in question

have we met at all?

My spirit, please rise

lift me up from this veiled disguise

these people I know

sadly know me as much as I

I wonder in scores, and ponder alone too

What am I leaving in what I leave behind for you?

Who will come looking if I'm falling behind,

and what will I leave if it suddenly turns blind

The curse, and this sight

matter no more in darkness than light

for take me back before it mattered

let me see my old world in order

Passing time has left me grim,

there have been smiles

lasting only till I could blink

and in a flash, a new world pans

I look out and keep looking

I see strange faces, no faces or hands...

Cut me to present but present it new

something, a little something

that I must be to anyone you ever knew

and give me a reason to more than live

ask me to feel and grant me to give

A believer not dead but wry

is on a lookout for a religion

to shake some beliefs...

for someone somewhere

may read it too

like I did when I woke up 

wishing over what I thought I knew...

CONTINUUM

keep me where the light is

let me see while I can

strengthen my defenses

while I learn to fill out each blow

Hang me in silence

but don't keep me out of reach

while you go wondering

I'll be learning to breathe

hear me tender and dig down deep

with arms wide open

see the sky under which we seethe

and know the boundaries don't exist

fly by me in the hungered terrain

lean on me when it fails to rain

and shelter me in me

what seems inane

I'm learning to be full again

Even in your sleep

you can hear the cries,

the aftertaste of the dry-swollen eyes

think no more

and don't turn over a new leaf

its in the daylights that we can lose

what in the night we kept trying to seek

hope for answers that don't exist

keep shifting, stifling in time

moving on may seem progressive

only because there is no end in sight

Leave out all the rest

It still hurts,

you’ve changed your name

I’ve lost the game,

and you’re no longer here,

It still hurts,

I’ve cried the tears,

lived the years,

wrinkled in fears

coiled up till today

I move on as I sometimes do,

away from things, away from you

and think of life on a planet new

but why should I?

I can’t follow through

So I sit by the hourglass,

and let time form me a shape,

I watch closely the stars

that still give me light,

I sit right through,

while slumber lulls the night

I read each memory of your name,

and the misfit you said we were to each other’s name,

and it turns out we did move on,

just that I couldn’t outlive that song

I can cry but it hurts just as much

without it too

if I start I still seek you to continue

I watch you from far observing the change,

 turning to the mirror that caged me benign

how could I ever give you

a better sign or proof, of my being aloof…

Light years back I could see this day,

yet looking back, memories of us are fading away

I can ask you for time,

I know you will have some,

I could ask you some more

but how could I ever ask...

Yourself, you..?

I’d only return to a night black,

an image of fantasy rusting in time

reasons and love that just didn’t rhyme

I see a couple, and I think it’s you,

moving on towards what you were meant to,

and I picture my name on that door,

creatively, I could still be your core

and you my accessory…

a sultry design,

oh, I could wear you

till my skin would have the impression

on which my heart resigned

I take it, you never felt this way,

in a world of chaos, how can logics come to play

I keep rowing, but I don’t seek the shore…

I’m just looking to run from the skies

that housed us, the one moment

 I stepped into life’s pure

And since then this exploration

has been all about the will to explore,

the love she said is all about will,

 but my might is wearing thin

Yes, without you, I seem to be wandering thin

not having much to lose

and without having a desire to win…

Though there are desires,

but none that I seek to pursue,

I could ask you to hold me again,

but then it wouldn’t just be me… or you

My solitude takes an admirable shape,

I’m seeking old worlds with a new gaze

but for now, like a miasma,

you seem to grow

and with every heartbeat I can feel that echo...

I gather around my thoughts

and continue to live in peace

and when the darkness becomes too bitter

I close my eyes and pray for release…

1:30

It was that time of the night,
or perhaps day,
I couldn't speak much,
but I had enough to say

Thoughts in silence,
and emotions in fray
Give or take an aberration,
And two varied fates

would be the face of today

Few will understand

this night of dream,
dream I say

cause it doesn't get whiter in years
 

from a memory,

growing evenly into fear...

Some steps insipid

printed vastly in time,
and time it was

where the objection lay

Not enough asked,

not well said,
incompletely complete

like this very night,
or the one I sat through reliving it

In hindsight, a linear memory
that borders short of being fond,
yet comes sweeping back in years
the rush my heartbeat gets,
I can but survive...

I have no questions,

no answers nor claims,

only emotions kicking up

that since long I've renamed...

enamored completely

in the sands of time,

my withering projection

and the lust for benign

A static hollow no matter what I do,
a void I can't fill,

and now, neither can you

The spaces broaden

in the space of time
and slowly

even the flashbacks too

I wish there were

fewer names to remember in life,
in time,

when yours' flashes up high
I could look at it with a sigh of relief

And let go the overkill

that drills me to this day,
whatever it was,

was more special than I can say

Cheer up now,

the dawn is breaking fast,
Warm and tender

but emerging at last...

Tell me, oh timekeeper,

who should I bribe to have things my way? 

Of Desire

Dark and red and burning within

much too mellow for any fire

utterly chaotic yet peacefully at ease

melancholy taking it higher

proud of the void within

yet coy of the latent ire

the stranger at the gates

is beckoning to draw my desire

Clawing my way at every find

I'm holding on to the last drawn line

and you too are a part of that pagination

capillary threads blurring in indecision

Don't draw conclusions in haste

I too am a product of confusions

I live to be projected and not withdrawn

so take my hand and taste the dawn

Amongst my score who condemns and abhor

who turn up in numbers everyday ever more

I take not pity and I draw no relief

to a world that lives to conspire

Looking within I see down deep

there is all but a desire

Smoke and fire both delight

when it rages it fills my sight

a sudden passion too pure

of not wanting anything anymore

And if that is confusion

then so be my taste

Ill-ridden and confounded

I no longer live to appraise

or hold down what I feel

Dire be my need

but there's no dowsing this fire...

हासिल

आज फिर से नींद गवा बैठे

बंद आँखों में सपने सजा बैठे

खोये लम्हे अपने बना बैठे

फासलों को भूल कुछ और करीब हम जा बैठे...

कुछ सोचते कहाँ समझ पाते थे हम 

जो निकली थी दिल से

उन्ही दुआओं पे थे चलते कदम

रास्तों में भी मंजिल सजा बैठे

आज कुछ और खुद को गवा बैठे

चलते रहते तो सारे थे लगते हमें दूर

माँगा नहीं कुछ किया सबको क़ुबूल

सिर्फ एक छोटी सी आहट से बंधे

थे हरदम

आज उसे भी निसार हम कहाँ बैठे

होते थे पहले कई दिनों में वो दिन

जिनमे जागते थे हम भी तारे गिन-गिन

लेकिन आसमान में अब ना हैं

वो तारे शरीख,

जिनके लिए हम सपने जगा बैठे

कुछ लम्हों में ज़िन्दगी बिता बैठे

एक दिन खुद से पुछा ख़ामोशी के बाद

कहते नहीं बनता चुप रह के आज

क्यूँ धीरे धीरे रुकता है वक़्त

कुछ चेहरों के पास

सारे नसीब के आदि है

यूँ तोह ख़ामोशी में भी एक आजादी है 

मन में आशा थी उनसे दूर जाने की

उस अकेलेपन से खुद को बचाने की

मैं निस्संग था पर एकाकी नहीं

मेरा अकेलापन मेरा साकी सही

जो साथ न मेरा दे पाये, उनसे कब सूनी हुई डगर?

मैं भी न चलूँ तो क्या नहीं रहेंगी ये राहें अमर?

यहाँ सब भटकते हैं खुद से दूर जाने को

और हम ढूँढ़ते हैं खुद को पाने के कुछ मक़ाम 

जो चलते हैं, उन्हें चलने का स्वाद है

और ज़िन्दगी हमारी इस परिवर्तन से ही तो आबाद है

और तुम, तुम भी हो एक पहचान 

खुद को खोजने के लिए मेरा अभिमान

भूले बिसरे कुछ शब्द तो  है

उनकी मगर कहाँ कोई पहचान है

अपनों के बीच में भी हम खुद से अनजान है

क्या मोहसिन, और कौन मेहमान है?

नज़र में रहते हो जब तुम नज़र नहीं आते

आओ चलो, अब चलें खुद से दूर...

Rehab of everyday

I hang my shoes

and sit down to play

You tell me now if I'm old

and if they'll let me get away?

My moments, my dreams

all insipid it seems,

I turn to run away from my being

To be pure like a smile

To be sure like a child

to run towards my very own sun

to stop trying and be someone

To hold and not pose

to sing not an old prose

to fly out beyond the sky

to sketch my own lullaby 

I hang out my soul,

to leave it to dry

while I enjoy the stroll

deep down into my being

to stop and ponder

the things I'm seeing

to shed a tear on that which hurts

to laugh and cheer my only life

to dance on the music that's

me and I...

 I left out a part of me tonight

to hang in silence before it sighs

I run along the longest demure

of wanting to live the life

while I'm still sure...