Happy New Year

Happy and new,
I'll let you know
when I feel either of those two

Grim and grave,
what is it that isn't at stake?

Party hard tonight
and let it all swim out
what's left behind is done
and what lies ahead
is separated by a shadow of doubt

In the old and the untold,
in the comfort
and the bitter hold of the cold
We surmise our long lost days

And is it really present if
it is too much of past tonight
Is it well let up
if the darkness within I can't hide

What is more excruciating,
silence or pain,
holding or letting go and turning sane,
rising or falling before and after again?

Wise men say
time will heal what memories hold
but time witnessed it all to well
and herein my objectivity
begins to swell

And I can't but help dwell
in this prism of cyclic shame
Am I still losing
if it all seems the same?

Renew, renew...
renew those vows
until they wow one and all
and seem wondrous again

And take them to bed when
you sleep tonight
so when you wake up next
you're not searching for purpose
the morning next

Let's dream aside
from the bitter array
of the remnants I've long slept
with to reach the lasting
purpose that has long
brushed hopeful dreams aside

Let's aim for a brighter new ray of light...

Solitude

In your silence
in your cry
in your patience
in your persona
and in your truth
in your pain
and in your tears
in your laughter
and in your fears
in your thoughts
in your absence
and in your hold
in your no's
and in your woes
in your warmth
and in you wrath
in your haste
and in my snatch
in your afterglow
and that feeling of high and low
in my desires
and in your sanity
in my dreams
and in your realities
in your truth
and my loyalities
in your forthrightness
and in my unending persistence
in your rejection
and in my pestilence
in life's irony
and in your jokes
in my plight
and in your flight
in your strength
and in my might
in your walls
and in my voice
in your resolve
and in my your-choice
in your absoluteness
and my foray
in my complexity
and your sunlight
in my lips
and in your eyes
in my actions
and in your answers
in my nothingness
and in your nobility
in my calm
in your hurt
in your unbelonging
and to my fate
in your denial
and in my running late
in all the fanfare
and your telltale absence
and in being on hold
in your temper
and in my being inane
I find myself feeling to be wanted again...

A lot like love

its not sudden
but it's there,
somewhere, I can be sure
it's well hidden
yet I can't be more aware
I can feel the poke,
its gingerly tantalizing to the core

I know its been enough spoken and
written about,
felt and felt more and more

The feeling in a feeling
and the joy in revealing
and the aftertaste or losing
and not wanting to need
anything or anyone any more...

A lot like love
or I wouldn't know of any thing pure...

You tell me it's not describable,
it's not describable for sure,
you tell me it's not controllable
controls don't work,
this itch has no cure,

we are but all victims
of this feeling pure

There is nothing
anyone can do or say
and what do I say to that,
when you feel it, you can best be sure...


There is no reason
why you wouldn't want to let yourself,
those three words, hear or say

Tears are wonders
words can't express
and fears and blunders
to which I won't regress,
so writing these feelings
and maybe the same song
I would keep bumbling
till I know I'm next on the way

Till I know
I've you tuned in
and listening to what I have to say

I know
what you may have to say to it
I wish it could change
the way I look at you
or about you, feel

But something within tells me
what I feel is deep
and what I feel
is how I intend for it to be
and I wish someday
if it is meant to be,
it will seep into your being too...

Not wanting love is loving
not heeding no's is loving
not pleading in woes is loving
and well what's better
than living in love
and not writhing in pain
for that feeling is what makes it sure

A lot like love or I wouldn't know of anything pure...

Thanks to love people lose their way
thanks to hope
they continue to float away
and to their make
and the maker
to the giver and the taker
to the hurt and the faker

so many alibi's and yet not a purer form
any emotion could take

Blink to think and stop to gaze
look up above and the sky's
a changing place
and looking within the heartbeat that churns
the melody of what if's and maybe's
and dreams come alive
look underneath the feet
and even the timid heart has wings to fly
and the mighty then rule the day

Sure, nowhere fast but slowing ebbing away...

Death at a funeral

I went to a funeral today
I had nothing better to do
I wept and cried among the scores
the reason for my fears,
I wish I knew

I cried perhaps for the one who left
If I would have been happy with her around
I wish I could let her know
or hold it within well enough
till we both could become so sure...

The tears seemed to ease their pain
for me they served up an alibi
a forum to grieve amongst the grieving
and writhe amongst those wry

The grief of losing
we all know too well
but till it hurts
you don't feel it come alive

Living in truth is acceptably blurred to all
till we all get too disconcerted by lies

The dead ask me, whose more alive?
The dead task me their lies
and those alive aghast at their sins
and bury the truth again

Am wondering how many are dead here
and for how many can I cry

I know death comes to all
and someday it'll turn up this road too
blind curves, as many of those around
as they are

They say death puts things up
that life couldn't show
She said the same thing
and now I wonder as to how did she know

Something precious whenever gives way
you look around more concerned
towards the things and those that did stay
and thank God
for you aren't the one
attending a funeral today.

Yesterday once more...

I turn 25 tonight

and the hands of the clock begin to glow

I'm wishing for another year of lasting cheer

as the ones gone by begin to unfold

from my grasp

I gear up for another year of might

even as the pages from my memory unfold

Stories and secrets, laughter

and teardrops,

slowly I begin to lose the sense of time,

my perspective of present, and the light of today

and turn back to the days that were inane...

To all the places now unheard,

to all the faces now unseen

and instead of counting candles,

I roll back to my formative years

Thinking about the memories

passing years can never mar,

Experiences aplenty, great and small

Conversations, many and scrabbled,

Some brief and others coiled

and a lasting sense of nonchalance

that's now purpose...

The smell of morning dew

and every other thought now old

but seemingly new

Even all my birthdays

seemingly come alive,

the incense of the cakes

and every wish I did ever make,

Ah! the wishfully spent nights...

Repeated with exuberance, expressions bliss,

I don't think I'd change anything,

what would I do without you,

my years...

Early morning sun and the midnight moon

bring me the stars that I'd watch till noon

Show me the pictures of my dreamy days

Oh! but I don't day dream anymore...

I look back into my being today

and I don't think I can quite sure

of anything more than this

It's yesterday once more...

25 gone and 75 and more to know

Hold me now, dear life,

I embrace you and I'm in full flow

I'm turning back time and

the child within me is not wanting to grow...

 

 Disclosure

in order to gauge

the wetness in the rain

I felt and drowned into

the mercy of pain

to ride the clouds

above so high

I went and leapt

and fetched my flight- the night

and I did distance myself

from you

and you did well

in lightening up again

crossed bows

with venomous spews

hard talk with

broken views

and some spite

from the rising pain

who are you

and who was I

we turn onto ourselves

to search for answers

we never looked for

when we began...

shaken faith and twisted views

what does future hold,

should we ever invest again?

what are the returns and

whose are the rewards,

and is wanting needing again?

logics to words

and reasons to meanings

the long held skyscraper

begins to lose shape

I did dream

I just never did wake...

Teardrops on strummed guitar

feeling of fall being far
the autumn healing
subdued this year
illusions, I can't see them really
and so the distances
and the widening distances
that are wholesomely near

I couldn't talk
and I wouldn't dare
might've been apart but best kept near
and I don't mind when you're here
and the stories of the sleepless nights,
the hue bound sky
and the minty wine

I wouldn't dare and I wouldn't share
holding onto everything
I'll take to what, of yours'
I have here
while basking
in what I thought to be mine

you know the songs
that were just made to rhyme
and the coils of thoughts that words
would never know or show

the twisted arm of this crooked clock
has stuck on the moment
it was made to block
the time it took
for the rain to dry
and the wind to gain what the air left up,
above, afloat, high...

the basket of confessions
in this one man truth and dare,
shared philosophies now untold and hidden
wisdom held dear

the art of music is akin to that of life
a seamless symphony attuned to a principle
that's no principle when you can't hold on tight...

Off limits

Let's take turns to call

I shall wait and you can stall
Hold and break
till it's time to rest all that at stake
and then take the fall...

Let's take time to wake

to tackle, to know,
to hide and sometimes even show
to grow and to feel,
everything's that's missing
is not all that's real

Let's take time to stall

to forgive and forget
and be someone
who doesn't know it all
to break the thought that
leads to mind and blossom a call
that stems from heart

Let's take turns to live after all