Words on Water

You came to me when I was lost

and today I find myself lost in you…

You held my soul when it wasn't wandering

and rested it within your fears

Years of emptiness arrested…

You came and opened all locked doors

including the ones sealing my lips

and heart

You held my nerves and

let me touch your heart

And within it you created us a home

a shelter to last, that was only ours to break

And I learned what it was to lean,

call someone mine and mean it too

What this word ‘love’ could mean...
and what we could become by it

But did I?

You told me actions are love

and I chased you down with words

You said silence is lyrical

and I wrote love songs to make you mine

You said love needs to be healthy

and I gorged on you till the clocks bled dry

You said distance would keep us sane

and together we tasted insanity

You kissed my lips and I bit your tongue

You said love needs to wait, it will find its way

and I proposed to you the same day

You told me the meaning of god

and I raised you the only pedestal I knew

You came to me shy and unhinged your hopes

I caged you in ropes and stitched your smile

You screamed reason with battered hope

I saw logics drugged with delusion

You threatened me in despair

and I saw no reason to stand up and care

You slowly breached the little spell

and I finally begun feeling the tremors as the tears fell

And then one day you packed up and left

with the pieces you could find

and scattered me to the mercy

of a mortal life in a room full of mirrors

Among reflections, I could only deflect for so long

and in your absence, my opium,

I couldn't help but see my life like you did

like I should have lived

like I could have cared

like I needed to give

things I needed to share

dreams I needed to dream

hopes I needed to raise

love as I was meant to see

pain I needed to share

words that couldn't care

actions you couldn't see

hope that ceased to arrive

fear that brought in strife

A hundred days passed us by

your wounds didn't heal

and my anger couldn't show me why

the apologies I piled on you

In the hope you would look right through

my sincerity and regrets

that brought me back to life

My fears and mistakes

were painted on our canvas like fire

and then my attempts to rescue

didn't seem to collate

all the scattered fears

and all my bumbling mistakes

I could have left the world

if I would leave it better

than I had found...

but the very flower adorning my garden

was now rusting to the ground

I said all my prayers and

called on all the gods I knew

only to realise that with the wilting flower

my only god was leaving me too

To the human in me, that decay left a sound

I rose from a deep slumber

and looked past the despair

Painting new leaves, the plant grew

but the flower remained static

like our distance before we knew

I could use all the words I know

and a million times for the forgiveness

for the logics I couldn't show

And tell you how much

I've lost already in your tears

to ask you to come back to me

draped even if in your fears

to promise you this time nothing but respect

to hold your head high in every aspect

to keep you in my heart before sight

to love you through the day and not just night

to reach out to the person in your skin

to hold you near but not close

to use words only when actions would dry

and love you till you till your hopes

begin to, once again, fly...

Undefined

Take a pencil

and draw me a line

keep the distance

between us as a scale

and let the paper

capture the distance

the spaces between us...

let the paper not fail

to capture the divide

the meanings you see

and the reasons I hide

the book, full of paper

would run deep

and deeper it will go

bloated with the grey black lines

slowly narrower,

as the paper begins to show

Let not the echo of your breath

be deeply embossed in those lines

don't let the tears fray the mind...

this is death but the journey was life

and while it lasted

the paper was green

our hands together

filling up its seams

but now the white has conquered fear

in our minds, death forever near

Find me

The world's greatest puzzle

revolves around the mysteries of the heart

where you stand

or what happens
when you fall apart

the mystery of a lost heartbeat

or sometimes a broken heart

a place which was safe from the world

is now where the bleeding first starts

Forgive me if I feel this way

but when was the last time
you felt love

was it with the words I said

or the last memory of happiness
 when we were underway?

I could find you if I knew where I was

I could find myself if I knew where we fell apart

the traces are far too spread between the pain

to pick up a thread and source the start

And so I stand and wait in vain

with broken pieces and charred remains

of a spirit and a sordid heart,

one that deadbeat with you apart

I love you, and love they say will find a way

together we journeyed down this road

Hopeful of a tomorrow better than yesterday

On a hope 

bleak as the future may seem sometimes

and glorious past may haunt the pride

stop sometime and seize the commotion

what we salvage is not the love but our slide

the love's strong and the emotion stronger still

I loved you yesterday, today,

tomorrow and I always will

the hunt for self is still on, and it’s a journey

that will lead me to the love

that's only mine to lose...

 

Toast

what gets a teetotaler to drink?

an ecstasy unimaginable

or a life on the brink

a whiff of love, or a morbidness coy

think of it as you may

but when the glass of wine

sips the lips

the reasons begin to fade away

and all love flows through wet eyes

melting the layers of pretense
lowering the guard,

the truth forever slipping through alibis

Poetic almost,
for if  anyone deserves to know

then its this caged bottle of wine,

with every sip it takes me in

and with every note

I gain myself unhinged

drinking they say makes you free
brings out the pain,
or let love become glee

Its an open road,
that can led you down
or let you fly

open some closed chapter
or raise the ones invisible
to the insipid eyes

my ecstasy was hindered to none,
or to be drunk on the name of one
covert and hidden in my mind's eye
bottled up, and sealed for any pry

And then I tasted this potion
the one that changed my notion
and even if for a moment 
it made me live out my dreams

I tasted your lips divine,
a candid ecstasy uncorked
with the whiff of wine

The melted candle
that kept burning like the night
igniting the long-locked emotions,
turning on the light..

You cannot know my love for you,

Even on the verge of death

I would go down gladly with a smile,
praying for you...

but before we grow old

I wish for us to not turn shy

lift this glass,
even if from a distance

and raise me a toast

to the banality; a roast

on the edges of the glass

my life turns round

with my hands locked in yours,

a pleasure unwound

these tiny sips spirit my desire

inch you closer

or simply take me higher

up where you sit

smiling your mischievous smiles
laughing at my misery
as the joys begin to fade after a while

I wonder after sipping the brew
if my life changed, or simply I did
by unlocking the bottle,
and that part of you in me

Either way, soon it will be a trend
to reach out to you my love
even if through the eyes
of my new found friend...

I need more intoxication now

before reality wins
Open arms lingering in wait
and a mind open towards sin...

तुम्हारा जन्मदिन

कल है तुम्हारा जन्मदिन 

साल का सबसे पहला वोही दिन 

दिन आज फिर कुछ अलग है 

साए में तुम्हारे यह अब है 

दिख्ता है अब तुम सा यह दिन

कल है तुम्हारा जन्मदिन

चरों तरफ हैं साए,

टूटी आवाजें हमारी

दूरी तो है मगर बस अब 

थोड़े कदम पे है आज़ादी

शिकवे है कितने जो बरसे 

अरमान वोही जिन के लिए तरसे

तुम कहो अब मिलें तुमसे आके 

बाकी कहाँ है ज़िन्दगी तुम बिन 

मर जायें अगर तो भी अधूरे

बातें बाकी और तारे भी साए

मौत की भी कहानी है 

मर मर के डरते

कर कर के भरते 
लड़ते और अड़ते 
तुम ही से बनते और 
तुम पर ही बिगड़ते 

बस तुम्ही हो अब 

तसवीरें कुछ उन यारों की 

तेरे मेरे सारों की

करवटों लेती एक्रारों की 

जिनसे मिलना अभी बाकी है 

उन बचपन के व्यापारों की 

खो दिए जो तेरे पल मैंने 

उसके आंसुओं के धारों की 

मर मर के अब न मिट पाएंगे

तुम्हे खो देंगे, सो जायेंगे

उस नींद से अब सुबह होगी

जहाँ जागेंगे तेरे चेहरे पे 

Words 

Let me touch you with my words,

for my hands I will leave this empty glance

let me kiss you with this thought

my lips are numb from the missed chance

let me not kill this sight that lends fire

my soul is still burning

and my heart is all desire

Within you I lose myself,

and without I find myself waiting for a chance

what will I take of you

back with me

with these lifeless hands?

Let me love you as you sit in that chair,

without any movement

strip you bare, with this thought

and the sound of kiss

these thoughts will do the elusive trick

Let my words stroke your hair,

slide down your back,

and tickle your belly

My hands, stubborn as brick,

lie lifelessly,

not willing to carry out
my simplest desires

Let my words enter your mind,

bearing torches,

and lit them willingly into your being,

so they may caress you gently within...

From my lips to your heart,

despite this distance,

there will be a road still...

Without my hands and sight,

flying with my words and in my might

My love will take me there,

Where you wait for me...

Where I wait for completion... of every kind

Sure

We love from distance

because we're sure,

we love despite resistance

because we couldn't be anything

or anyone anymore

The care is lasting,

our love is a storm

There ain't a nightmare,

we can't take head-on,

we've been reckoned this way...

From the sultry nights

to the dizzying heights

keep me sane from the maddening flight

that is you and I...

We love from our might,

a form or shape peculiar to world's gaze,

smirking at the horizon,

making merry in this haze

You and I have a story to tell,

and we'll tell it right,

swinging back and forth in measured paces,

oblivious to any fright,

we'll get there alright...

What you are to me,

no one will ever know

an infinitesimal energy,

a bundle of hope, a resting place

Oh, death will come to me slow...

all the secrets of this life I now know

Marching fervently in tepid directions,

and reaching out for the impossible life,

spreading thin the sorrows,

wafting out the realities too,

and dreaming till it's daylight

Oh, the nights hang in wait...

curling up in all directions

as you and I are kept at a distance

the wait gets unbearable at times

as reality gets too hard to take 

So you see,

I wait for you on the other side,

at the cusp of the circumference

where light illuminates those virgin grounds,

where rasping voices sing solemn blues,

and memories yield more than teardrops...

flying as we go,

right past the rainbows' hues

playing our own tracks,

as life takes cues... 

2011

365 reasons and rhymes held dear

I bid goodbye to you, my favourite year

Love, labour and paradise, all so near

up and down and all around

I tasted some life,

a lasting reason for cheer

Some thoughts and some reservations

you presented me with my aspirations

Some fulfilled promises and some unrequited fears,

dancing to life's dynamic beats

now with a memory held dear 

Some Shakespearean proses and a bit of King Lear,

the never ending conversations and mentations

I longed to hear and feel...

You brought me day and then some light
even when it rained, the sun sparkled bright

Wiser and patient at the cusp of forthcoming delights

cautious not to fumble the saucerful of dreams,

wanting to relive the journey that began

even as I wait for the tide to rise at the seams

To a journey that shall forever unfold

life and times of a scriber digging for gold

the old gives way to the new

as I seek 365 more memories

With a mouthful of sky and a heart burning bright

my best stories I keep for twilight...

शून्य 

एक अधूरी सी कविता

एक टूटा विचार

शब्दों की कैफियत 

एक बदलता संसार

एक खोया समय
एक बिछड़ी घडी
ज़िन्दगी की कसौटी
पे वक़्त के बदलते आसार


कुछ गूंजती आवाजें
खामोशियाँ कुछ
कुछ बहते से आकर


खोयी हुई परछाई 
मैली एक दीवार 
धुन्दला सा सबका प्यार
   
क्यूँ कुछ सुनना है
किस से छुपाया है
और किस तक पहुँचाना है


जो गुप्त है उसपे निशाना है
और जो ज़ाहिर... खैर पुराना है


मेरे तेरे में क्या पराया है?
जो नहीं खोया क्या उसे गवाया है?


ख्यालों से लड़ते तुम पर बिगड़ते 
दुनिया में बढ़ते 
ऐसे क़दमों पर कहाँ था संसार


आँसुओं की भी अपनी रफ़्तार है
जो बहते हैं धुल जाते हैं
नहीं धुलता तोह ये खुरदरा संसार 

खुद से खुद को न कर पाए अलग
तुम से खुद को लेकिन कर दिया जुदा


और अब खुद से कुछ खुद ही अनजाने हैं
पहचाने कुछ चेहरे हैं पर लगते बेगाने हैं 

हकीकत में पड़ती गिरती संभालती  
कुछ पन्नों में ढलती 
एक कविता क्या बनेगी इस जीवन का सार


शून्य से बने हम
शून्य से बना संसार


शून्य बन ढले हम
शून्य जब बना आकार

ASYLUM

 Wake me up 

I want to climb up the wall

don't trim me down

I'm not going taking the fall

I'm not looking for shelter

or a place to weep

drink me down with the dew

I'm running through my sleep

Shades in this darkness

have the same hue

silence before the storm

that I'm fighting over you..

Where do you dissipate,

my philandering soul

why do you nest in the

sordid sky

Why when you can't walk

you want to size the earth

spleen the green

and sip the mirth

I prayed for wings

but my tears bled me dry

I leapt in the air

but the ground fell shy

I call for your dreams

mine are far behind my sight

don't think of me when I'm gone

I wouldn't be glad to know 

I was right

Kill me if you must

but let me know if we survived

I've lost fear of dying

for its living that I've survived

When I'm done sleeping

I'll gauge my fall

look in the mirror

and wait for you call...

The songs in this pages are a silent hymm...

 

And...


Many silent hisses to one night

coils of smoke and pitch black sight

Adrift thoughts some,

some buried alive...

some living insipidly in dreams,

dreams that see no light

perhaps too much of fad,

a darker shade of black

impervious to  white...



Bring me tonight your darkest demure

for I will still long for more

hiding from images etched on the sand,

that leapt with the waves and melted away

leaping back and forth, and around

twisting and turning, and tossed to ground

and subliming entityless, no where to be found


Time can take us places evermore

before and after and after it was no more

And bring back moments,

That were feelings at the time

melting-freezing thoughts in an old world rhyme



To azure, the blue backlight of the sky

Under whose light we wept and kept our summit high

being ourselves as you and I


Our bond runs deeper than any hole in the ground

our tears dipped steeper with every passing round,

of an abject remains that destiny logics,

of the never found remains that memory defines...


I remain true in keeping you pure,

with or without us,

there was always a way

that you never did ignore


Casting away to a neverland inside,

last song of hope breathing of insight...


Why the massive gray on the horizon seems new folklore...?

There's no color so complete than this one

spread on the canvas... I assure


We keep bidding for spring,

but summer is what makes us pure...


painful but forever a push towards brighter light...

A life away from the fiction but only in a twilight


clutching at straws with no hope or respite

And every black spot now haunts the might,

the night will still go as follows,

it's the day that will burn the core

and of all that there'll be nothing to seek,

soon....

they'll be nothing to take back, when it will all be bland

I could go about another day in another way,

but it won't be won't be me and ...

Begin

To tell you how I feel within
from holding onto what I feel alone

Say to share what was mine to share
and to hold what was yours to do,
both of us lost and in a whirlwind of a life
waiting to hope for someone else to be,
that was ours to do...
Leading the lease of the orbit of life
bring to canvas the colors deprived
rising to hope what was never our dismay
clearing the skies of that dull grey...
Where am I going with these expectations?
Drowning in the ambiguous revelations

All in my head
And some in my heart
Tell me now, where to start...

That's a good life, that makes us sacrifice
It's a good vice, to not dew in pleasure
but what about life's hidden treasure?

Where is the love and why running to measure?
And what disclosure are we hoping to find,
where will we keep what will shall never take?

No reverie or partake
Never worrying to give or take


begin with what seems new
begin to what remains
hold on, where dreams end, reality begins...

Non-fiction

I present my life,

as I felt it as a matter of fact
The presentation,
oh, now it all seems like a big blur

No 'how to' manuals,
no 'to be' guides,
Think, quest, and I became
What did I become?
A monsterly saint of my own decide
and a hero of my insipid domain
No boundaries or emotions,
to condemn or restrain
like a movie with classifications,
but not hinderances to
alter its constrains

Between speaking and listening
bordering often on insanity
knowing well that only
written works tend to remain
heretic or sacrosanct,
debatable but a proof of
an insanity,
that was schematic but unremitting
This unscripted beginning is only
prolonging in my remaining inane

Let's not search for proof
of our existence now,
what is there to blame!

Remains of the day

Shadows on my way,
step aside and let me sway
I'm entangling further away
from or into disarray

I wouldn't know
and who is to say
The light in my mind
is too bright for the feelings
that flourish deep within

The sight to my eyes
is cascading to the dream
I keep

I'm crying but my present
it doesn't let me keep
my tears, my fears,
your thoughts
or even the pain

The remains of the day
they are built up this way,
they're made of nothingness
yet the absolutism
that I could only obey

I would walk on
miles and miles
and yet never feel this way
as the few steps
that I took in those shoes
that set on me
as night turned to day

I don't ask you
as I no longer need you to say
what I feel is enough
for both of us
as memories pile up
what fate continues to bring way

I don't know if serendipities end
I don't see life turning normal anyway
The numbness has ceased
and melancholy began

And I'm planning to let it stay ...

Drift

The water in the stream
is threatening to split,
the undercurrent is mellow
but is threatened to bits

The evil divide
is the clipping
of its wings
the winged delight
is when its hassled in sync

The motion is circular
and the altercation
is for none to ignore
the current is mild
but the twister
is reaching to the mantle
and not just core ...

The sand castles have
long made way,
the dew melted them
and the sun
turned them into clay

The tress, the flowers,
the birds and the wind
are all searching
for answers
that are only ignited
by the wind

Where's the reason
for the defilement?
I'm just beginning
and they're asking me
to taste the sand

I'm gonna flow
drifting away
from right where I belong
to every where
they never though there'd be ways ...