GONE

The bed is made on your side
and the curtains are drawn
the oxygen's missing
and death seems nearer than dawn

deaf-tones seeping from bleeding walls
are but echoes of the broken falls
empty vases and charred remains
are remnants of how far this longing's spanned

the dust on the shoes is now rust
the flame is the desires has long turned ash
the rain has long stood guard to my moist eyes
coming down each time to see me
when I feel lonely without your lullaby's

like a traveler you've join back the race
leaving behind an essence of an embrace,
an empty frame and a pair of numb hands
are not half as painful as the never ending nights

rise, like the phoenix and sail in my direction
and teach me the real magic of painting smiles
the necromancy you can accomplish
is dearer to those living out lies 

I could write a thousand words today about a hug

sing a million why you should be mine
holding a few pieces of my heart in my hand
I close my eyes to turn back time

if you know how much of yourself you left behind
you'd come back for me, and change my world 
one more time the way you had done
the magic in this might
will reunite all that customs had to divide

or call me, a hopeless drifter, in your direction
like a bag of plastic, weightless I've floated for long now
or come and stub out this bag of bones
for one last touch from you death will wait...

Words 

Let me touch you with my words,

for my hands I will leave this empty glance

let me kiss you with this thought

my lips are numb from the missed chance

let me not kill this sight that lends fire

my soul is still burning

and my heart is all desire

Within you I lose myself,

and without I find myself waiting for a chance

what will I take of you

back with me

with these lifeless hands?

Let me love you as you sit in that chair,

without any movement

strip you bare, with this thought

and the sound of kiss

these thoughts will do the elusive trick

Let my words stroke your hair,

slide down your back,

and tickle your belly

My hands, stubborn as brick,

lie lifelessly,

not willing to carry out
my simplest desires

Let my words enter your mind,

bearing torches,

and lit them willingly into your being,

so they may caress you gently within...

From my lips to your heart,

despite this distance,

there will be a road still...

Without my hands and sight,

flying with my words and in my might

My love will take me there,

Where you wait for me...

Where I wait for completion... of every kind

Inseparable

There are one dreams too many

as I close my eyes

your breath still heavy on my skin

as I turn off the lights

You absence, my sordid fear

the darkness, too much to take

the missing link in my being

is your want for which my heart aches

The haunting melodies

of your symphonies

that strain my ears,

you are close deep within, treasured,

but lingering away

from my eyes

I long for answers

as I prepare for abandon

there are none, however, that I will take

even as reasons weaken might

I will ask only that

which I can’t forsake

The road you and I are on

blends at the seams

yet the journey is long

and the burden

seemingly more than I can take

Bit by bit it’s grazing me to the bone

I know its progress

but the forthcoming distance

is a pain I've not known

I admit it’s an apt yearning

progression fueling the long-withheld desire

the insatiable want versus

the logical need

And yet there are casualties

Oh, the hearts on fire

the killing wait, an abject test

of wanting someone even more

Did I tell you you’re all my reasons

and alibis?

Within you my being resides

Within you is my resting place

If only you could be the reliever

of all my desires…

Daydream

I was only dreaming…

Lost in confusion and total self-bliss

I've found the relation
between dreams and wishes

A dream is a fantasy lived only while asleep

but wishes have a canvas vast and deep

A dream can bring true
the wish never thought

as mind wanders aimlessly
towards the feelings sought

But a wish is a simple,
momentous undertaking,

a grasp over things
still in the making

Now my understanding
of wishes and dreams

have broadened my scope
or so it would seem

but still I'm confused,
nothing is clear

Because you are a wish,
and yet a dream so near

with the breath of each day,
I wish for your sight

and while I can,
get up each day to put up a fight

Visions of loneliness

turn to dreams in the night

You've become a fantasy
with realistic tones

I long for you
more than time spent alone

Sadly enough my dreams cause confusion

they are, for all their purpose
a meager illusion

And though the dawn of each day
may be cheerful to sight

the suns sets fast to fading light

I fear the darkness

and my receding flight

is leading me to a war

which I’m not ready to fight

For now this war 

is a battle within

a dreadful nightmare

in which love not rationality must win

What should I do? Where must I begin?

Who should I console?

What is my sin?

Should I ask for more
or remain in dear refrain?

For in dreams, with you,
my world is complete

But in life
you’re a martyr to hope so elite…

I've grown to know
you care for me with passion

but I fear the lack of mutuality

might cause the altercation
before the admission

of tender love that grows
ever so slow

If I am to approach you
with some indication

would it strengthen our friendship
or cause detonation?

This is the confusion,
the struggle, the fight,

Until I am sure,
you’ll remain a dream of the night…

Misfit

I take the hint

that I don't belong,

in your ranks

and in your songs

you take your might

with your victory sips

far oblivious to the

hurts and whips

of this discolored world

a missing piece

not missing after all

I rise to friends

and to ignominy I fall

you call me gray

seeing me fall in the fray

but not stopping to weep

I take my tears

and let them run deep

Cold, my off-color melodies,

these meaningless songs

that I sing,

those that were never music

for any scores

for you open my eyes to the truth

an insipid believer, forlorn

turning all the melodies into

a joyous swansong

I'm carried in humility

I'm remembered in haste

I've survived millions

but now I wither away in waste

The blue and green of your eyes

blends with my red

and the world sighs

Intrigued they look,

outwards they go,

longing for questions

the answers not for them to know

In silence I do repent

a born misfit among those embracing trends

smiling gallantly,

riding the chariot of change

hoping to clutch the sands of time

tiding away the beliefs

long held asinine

Memories, you no longer hold

any meanings, withheld or foretold


Quietly the delusions flow
far withdrawn from reality
that you and I live in to know


Up and away the musings go

what am I left with, do you know?

Perfectly lonely

something somewhere

somewhat amiss

thinking and grieving

I can but ignore

where is the silence

that I've not wanted to endure

in between walls

sounds of hollow shaken beauty

and a myth of

guarded demons shadowing the night

tame the hunger

the desire, the greed

taste the bittersweet

the ride to follow

here comes the sun

here comes the sun

no sun to follow

the darkness too hollow

the mystery is

that there is but none

a want to deep

and a rage to run

far and wild

and up and above

to a placed call home

where I will meet love

and but there the story won't end...

Chiaroscuro

I'm holding the shades until darkness falls
the light outside is too bright to let reality stroll
Too tender still to dream

I'd take it you don't feel that way,
but then again we can never ignore
what we just couldn't say...

Bring it out, the reasons for despair,
will you take me if you aren't there?
How'll you hold if you lose your might
and why the echo of despites...?

Strange hold, this mutiny of despondency allures
the caricature of reassurance fading fast,
who's the winner in the race to submerge in ruck?

Denial denial, who's won the trial,
and how've kept emotions at bay?
Throbbing more and more to decimate the demons,
but no angels out to play

Cut to the chase, where is our resting place?
Why is it seeming
like I'm losing the blot that was just my space?

What happens if we don't live today,
tomorrow will will bear the same blue
Hollow insanity in a circus-town
waiting for a joke that draws a smile
on the nip/tuck faces that no longer emote

The faded brightness will merge with darkness one day
the differences blended logics ended,
will we in our own destiny have no say...

tethered to dry in this balming summer
reflecting shades of the bygone
holding to shapes, holding to dawn...

and similarities challenged true
from where I started to what I've become
I've landed myself a different hue,
a different me, a different you...

I caught myself...

Leave out all the rest
it's our faith that's been put to test
Candidly light
the spaces that have been darkened
by this light

In them amorphously dwell
shades of both heaven and hell

I seek you out while
within flaying you alive
While the truth is that
the fire rages deep within
without reprise

All it burns is all there's alive
like a pain that's cued for reprise
over and over, the soot of solitude
a thick mist of black and white

Falling from heights that were never mine
rising to levels stranger to my mind
Tumbling down is free falling
to the lows that were earlier appalling

Where were you, in hindsight
Where were the promises that
had to fishnet our lows

In losing and failing and
unimaginable derailing
I caught myself...

Opening of the eyes

Closed to the world
and guarded tender

shy and savory within

blossoming quietly, my love

In amidst chaos and grappling

cacophony of wanting and asking

somewhere the salty seas rose up high

The tide came down,

and merged back into the sea

the hope that arose never did set back again

Starting then to look around

a face and a name,

and a spring season to crown

Sometimes, adrift in blind dismay,
led astray by a seed of doubt
I prolong my need for a company
and hold myself in reprise again

Amidst shadows I duck for cover
and this solitude, though much better off,

doesn't quite seem alright

Do you exist? Do I look around?

Why am I like this if you are around?

longing for an entity amidst shadows

As if reckoning in my memory,

you turn up and we're one
and I seed my thoughts
into your being, even if in vain

What was hope then and what is present
in the absence of being alive and inane?

I hail incessant this belonging
and overlook any absence
that's so been an everlasting one now
to avenge my reign

Between then and now
and everything that was
never to remain, there it was ...

Not knowing what was left
and what was asked for before
the vows were read and spelled

but if were understood,

plenty of time to wonder now

that the boat left the shore

Where was it heading?
Where are the tears buried?

What is this anamoly and

what leads this might?

Open your eyes, dreamer,

such vanity is unquestioned delight

Dreams, like hope would often

graze the surface

what one finds is hope hatched out

Start dreaming then,

start dreaming beyond a shadow of a doubt...

shadows

Gray and a silvery hue

dipped in black under the white fold

of the blue above

One with the carcass

and the wisps of the night

color of my sin

and your repentance too

one against the whole world

and one against me too

Dark often and tempestous always

like the thought we dimiss with a denial sometimes

dimly lit and yet most visible

when we look within

for a moment into our being

Naked like the sky

and like the land beneath, often cold,

most vulnerable

and yet its consuming hold

a moment of madness

and lapsed reasons

and a saucerful of possibilities to behold

shades and layers

and amongst them

a madenning essence of solitude

A sense of understanding

and an unknown accpetance that

I'd always be a recluse...

Delete

The conversations have been moved to trash
and the assertions that erred me apathetic
to any more more words of revival,
are now, out to haunt me no more

Where'd you go?
Why'd I never know?

What I'd done and
what'd that have meant to know?

The distances that earlier prolonged the joy
have now numbed me into sleep
and turning over the pages,
the old pictures
no longer make me weep

The closed door
that never slammed in my face
that last phone call
that parted our ways
and the last sight
before your entity disfigured
from my gaze

Where it hurt and where it ached
the feeling of emoting
I lost the bitterness of distaste

Goodbye, so long
It's hard to part
wish you begin to
live at once
once again

if there were things
we shared, closer
than the ones
that made us part

I'd live believing
hopelessness never did us in
We walk alongside ever day
even if the roads bend
while we cast away onto
inward shores...

Sign out

The mist is clear
now that its storm again

the dryness of the abyss
in the muddy ponds of hold

Let's break into reality and see
how deep does the reality go

En route destiny
timid waters hurt most I know

The roads are sheer emblems
on the journey unto themselves

As I navigate aimless
through the wanderlust

Steering clear of life's cheer
wry and queer is this peer

Static and mere,
the junction of disbandment

Holding tears
I pull sand out of my ear

I'm signing out of history
of every passing year

And the view at the long last
I'm a captive of the abstraction
they call dreams
and yet they say I'm free to ask ...

Glory of pity in chasm
The irony of the creation
of the untold sarcasm

I laugh, I still smile ...

Complicated

Of all the things and emotions
Unabated
Its love that is most abused
And yet quite overrated

In between the tasks
From nine to five
There is no saying
what is hardest to hide

Because when the truth
is found to be lies
And you don't know
If what you left
Behind still lies

While looking and wanting
For somebody to love
You find somebody better to love
And love takes varied shapes

Nothing in common but this trust resides
You don’t start looking till
You’ve found a place
to hide

Holding the minus
You push in for plus
And there is goes
We’re killing for love

It’s all wrong
But it’s all right
We are looking for something
Fighting those inside and outside

Whatever goes up, comes down
But do we fear flying
For the pain of falling down?

We seem to land on common ground
and yet not see
What we hide most
is how we always
want it to be

And sanity within
Belies
Don’t run in the shadows
It’ll burn with the midnight dies

When things go wrong
we make corrections
To keep things moving
We change directions

While honestly
We never see
Believing everything’s going
To be alright

It is complicated
Put in the least,
Complicated
For what we feel most
We must preserve
hardest to hide

Obituary

I live among the dead and
there is no wake

I stand with the corpses
and
I pose their questions for my being's sake

Who .. What .. Why?

What purpose did death solve?
How did you take that step,
the leap of fear?
How did death come out
mortal cheer?

Stop it now
The scars are deep
and
they don't heal

Stop this dance of death,
mourn your follies
and turn a corner
to another quest or zeal

Remember
the first step,
the time you did not know hate

Remember
when everything you did
was you and there was no fate

Since steel emblazoned
those nerves
emotions calmed the rupture
of love's bear

I pity my numb
and incompetent being,
On the mercy of words
I pledge for their grief

Those who lost track
of their mounting fear ...

Tell me who feels most the death of pain?
Tell me who feels most the pain of death?

Now that the dead are gone
who is it
that dies every step and year

Tell me there is a way
to undo this coerced hurt
that chokes my senses
whenever I hear cries

How can one forget
the pain and restraint
when there is blood shooting
through the eyes ...

Pain takes us places
we'd never want to go
Pain wries our paces
leaving lives remorsefully slow

I live within the dead
and there is no wake

What is the cause?
Where is the solution?
What road did mercy take?
When strength forfeited mid way

They say god gives us burdens
we can take
that make us stretch
in our own wake

I turn agnostic
I turn agnostic,
my patience's fake

I cant suffer in anyone's
pain,
that misery is too hard to take

I'll tell you these regrets
don't take us far
thought they make
the purpose clear

But in such vain
what is it that you can seek,
revenge or overcoming the very fear?

I do still cry
when those images
vividly dwell into my eyes,
I cry till they
flow from my sight

I die among the dead
and there is no wake

We can't live here no matter what
they say
But where do we go
where do we go now?

Its the end of the world
we killed it all in our own rage ...

Where ..

Look besides
there is noone
Nothing or noone
who's waiting,
gaiting the tide

Alter the core,
filter
and tither the encore

Settle the claims
time is long past now
for the
future is about
to make way

Where are we
headed?
Where is our today?

No promises
just love
No grimaces
just us

Where is that
truth hidden
that we witnessed
each night
before this day?

Where in the
world
than,
that is my world
Where is the place
where thoughts
meet progress unheralded

Where do I find
rationalizations
not dithering
my being?

Show me the way
flying bird
or teach me how to fly home

Vagabond

There's a twist
in the script
and there goes my
homage again
Within inches from
affluency, I trade
misery through pain
Lighting up for
litmus
I turn from colorblind
to inane
Somebody switch on
the lights please
Its time we go through
the details again
There were some
special effects here
I wasn't aware of
my right to refrain
Designated for postponement
and derailed from vain
my words of wisdom
have me shelterless again
My love for road
and my despise for the walk
a never ending road
can do with a little less talk
muffled up in a coat of conduct
waking integrally through virtues
my divinity is driving me insane
walking shallow among tall plains
my sense of direction is deviated
all over again
sans a guide and a map
I coast mid cloud from moss to cosmos
to bring about what evades
most likely because
I can't confront what I can't do
All in my head
and nothing out there to do ..

Nothingness ..


The last 60 seconds
What do you ascribe?

The memories
and reveries
or the
missing vision
soon to be blurred from
the pretty eyes?

The delegation
is on the way,
the wait is momentary
the journey is
all through the way
and
it comes now
to you
an as it
does to many
along the way

The channels
of light
are bleak
and the
cages
are seemingly
clasping the breath,
your domain

No more movement
Silence is what
of this
fracas,
now remain

You still
have
all my years,
The captive,
secret of the
tears

With my eyes
stitched
I let you guide
my days
and light
my ways
till the end
meets dawn

You precede
egging me on ..

Newer ways
enter
my grace
I remain
hindered
for
the absent place

I'm feeling up inside
its time, I open
up wide
and see through ...

The blink
and miss
blur
is all
I have to undo ..

Nascence ..

We stand and pose
In the middle of the crowd
screaming, all force
trying to make way
to look all around,
find every face unsure

There silence in the eyes
and
questions across the face
With a poignant grace
its a mortal wish to
resurface
Backing every trace

They look upto you
and you'd play, the cynosure
I would stay there gazing
and reality is all
there is.. after or before,
to live with or condemn,
abhor ..

The ways are narrowed
and the paths have unbelonged
the distance has blended
and the passages
seem so wrong

Bottled up inside are the
feelings
we never fought
Engaged in conundrums
aplenty
the pertinent,
never given enough thought

At the crossroads,
that call forth conviction
Jocund feelings fast melting
gifting a lifetime of resonance
and a fair bit of affliction

I experience this epiphany
today,
the joy in pain
and the upholding endeavor
melting away..

I'm so happy
I feel myself true ..
outside the shadows
that long defined the view
I feel .. I do ..
all unto .. looking at you
When its one need,
What can you do .. ?

Nascence pervades
when senses fail
Dreams be dreams ..
And let the valiant
tries fetch no avail ..

The skies blue and
we cant fly
The grass is green
and somewhere between those two
I lie ..

And yet it'd be questioned
Why nascence still prevails .. ?

Addicted

To say what goes within
would be defining
all thats fleetingly unnamed
Holding, clasping it
uptight within
wouldn't either
be rationalizing its name
The din thats causing the storm
or a form of it
hard to say
All that was believed
and led to it
slowly but surely
melting away

That which we sense
and then there's the truth
between that agreed to
and the accepted
With a sense of what
its like to be
Leading from
oblivion
heading to infinity

Vows are spoken
as words are broken
Pleasure and pain
deceptively different
Yet byproduct
of a statute name
Familiarity breeding
contempt
Or,Insanity protruding
incessant attempts ..

Paint me then a picture
of the better days
Sunshine rather than
a lasting eclipse
on the freckled face
Laughter bursting
spilled tears
Into the space ..

Paint them good
I'm tempted to see
Paint back the time
to slow the years
and erode the memories
that obediently arrive
on reckless nights

With each stroke eliminate
the tears
The craving of the heart
that holds them dear
producing a refurbished
damsel with boyish charm ..
Knee scraped tears, upon my arm

The impulsive heart
self destructive
denying all else any harm ..

In the pain I know my release
does lie
Grant my wish to sleep, fairy
no wish to die
To close my eyes
to rest the unsettled mind
In this chaos,
I fathom .. my peace I shall find
More than words
that are ever said
Each line filled with meanings
never understood more than distressed

Addiction's root cause is denial
Its presence is ubiquitous
and its tales are trials
pain makes it look grim
Its the loss of logics
that averts the progress to prim
The loss of senses
or a vision blurred for all else
to see

What else then is there to hide ..
the invisible ties
that bring me
back and forth to life
Or the faith
that something
improbable to happen
Is floating through
the vast blue skies ..

I'm addicted
I confess .. to the pain
to the life .. of the tears and goodbye's