one way emotion

its easy to see 

why love is a strong emotion

easier still when it's about you

something, I can do with all my devotion

Put me behind bars

and tie me with all possible restraints,

and yet I will be freefalling,

whether in our ruins or remains

I have a few reasons to smile,

but none strong enough to stop this flow

now that you're leaving,

this blood is all but snow

wish there was more from where this came,

wish you were sure of me as I am of you ,

wish I could turn back time and ask you

to keep me from falling apart,

before you asked me not to...

but now that everything is said and done,

the few vows rendered obsolete

and veils left forlorn

standing in a quiet corner of my heart

I can perhaps tell this silence

how much I wanted to love you

and maybe you can tell me

you would have liked some of it..

In this quiet absence,

there is but little obvious pain

the insanity is such

that everyone will continue living sane

those mortal will die

and those dead will remain buried

and between the two

i will sit and ponder

of the almost breaths you gave me..

Restraint

We both expect

but neither can relent

we both object

but neither can refrain sans the resent

made from our heart's mind

and bound by its make

we pursue our destinations

farther as they gallop in opposing directions

many seasons came and went

ample thoughts to lure the mind's vent

if only logics drove love

no  misery would befall this world

stuck like glue, I am meant to be with you

and you be with your dreams for now

and there someday I will reach

within the confined of our restraint

far as it seems as of now,

decimated as I look up to the sky

and you look down upon our remains

the only journey upward remains

maybe its a crazed belief

my heart's keeper, it is you that I seek

and without you, there really isn't any sight

let alone the differences between day and night

in innocent chambers of heart they dwell

for the feelings we left behind did swell

and compounded into desires bigger than our pain

how long can we live in this restraint?

Vendetta

Sitting cosy with closed eyes

rhyming thoughts with alibis

mixing ambitions with free will

planning to journey up the hill

A desire that reeks desperation

a moment for meek admiration

outliving the fear and consternation

the overkill of constant aggravation

The feeling of sanity in true

the hope of starting all new

the joy of feeling no pain

and rising to stake the claim

A momentary lapse of reason

almost betraying the cusp of treason

philandering with weak incisions

made deep into the being of my soul

Not knowing when to say no

or saying anything at all

among blind scores I'm heralded

and in silence it takes toll

Deposit the sum you're here to pay

or inherit the agony and the merits of the sway

run as you may these roads are hollow

no reasons really, we're just born shallow

Fill the stem of logics, do repair

the constant bouts of conscience, too are getting there

and deep in thoughts I push to keep

every quiet moment that weeps

Is growing old the same as growing cold?

I don't think it'll chill the vineyard within

the fruits of my agony would best know

when equated with the years that show

In this part of the country it doesn't often snow

no deserted streets or places you wouldn't know

yet stranger tides rule this town

and cover you with shades black or brown

Changes are here and changes will flow

of the things I keep, I'll make sure I don't let go

and in vain, some with reasons will know

all that I keep is all that I know

When it comes to the core

we're all strangers, unaware, far away from pure

the sun perhaps runs too deep

and yet there ain't no sunshine you can keep

So think not, time will not pay

the heart is in its place and mind is in its race

and with no destination, we're destined to obey

ask no more just walk the day...

Misfit

I take the hint

that I don't belong,

in your ranks

and in your songs

you take your might

with your victory sips

far oblivious to the

hurts and whips

of this discolored world

a missing piece

not missing after all

I rise to friends

and to ignominy I fall

you call me gray

seeing me fall in the fray

but not stopping to weep

I take my tears

and let them run deep

Cold, my off-color melodies,

these meaningless songs

that I sing,

those that were never music

for any scores

for you open my eyes to the truth

an insipid believer, forlorn

turning all the melodies into

a joyous swansong

I'm carried in humility

I'm remembered in haste

I've survived millions

but now I wither away in waste

The blue and green of your eyes

blends with my red

and the world sighs

Intrigued they look,

outwards they go,

longing for questions

the answers not for them to know

In silence I do repent

a born misfit among those embracing trends

smiling gallantly,

riding the chariot of change

hoping to clutch the sands of time

tiding away the beliefs

long held asinine

Memories, you no longer hold

any meanings, withheld or foretold


Quietly the delusions flow
far withdrawn from reality
that you and I live in to know


Up and away the musings go

what am I left with, do you know?

चल दिए

एक दिन आया
खुद को पाया


खुद से जो मिले
सब कुछ आया


सब कुछ जो मिला
कुछ भी न मिला


जब कुछ न मिला
खुद को पाया


खुद से मिलकर
कुछ ख़ुशी हुई


कुछ ख़ुशी मिली
ग़म भी आया


ग़मगीन रहे ख़ुशी रूठ गयी
हँसना भूले रोना आया


रोते रोते रात गयी
सुबह उठे नया दिन आया


नए दिन का नया सुरूर था
फिर क्यूँ कल में जीने का फितूर था


जब सोचा तो समझ न आया
फिर रात ढली सपना आया


सपने जो थे अपने जो थे
गिन गिन कर उनको अपनाया


कुछ छूटे थे कुछ टूटे थे
आँखों में थे पर रूठे थे


कुछ खो कर भी कितना कुछ पाया
तुम जो आये, सब कुछ आया 


मंजिल भी मिली रस्ते भी दिखे
उन रास्तों पर खुद का पाया


दिए चल उस डगर पर, छोड़ पीछे अगर मगर, डर
राहों में हमारी तुम जो थे

Rehab of everyday

I hang my shoes

and sit down to play

You tell me now if I'm old

and if they'll let me get away?

My moments, my dreams

all insipid it seems,

I turn to run away from my being

To be pure like a smile

To be sure like a child

to run towards my very own sun

to stop trying and be someone

To hold and not pose

to sing not an old prose

to fly out beyond the sky

to sketch my own lullaby 

I hang out my soul,

to leave it to dry

while I enjoy the stroll

deep down into my being

to stop and ponder

the things I'm seeing

to shed a tear on that which hurts

to laugh and cheer my only life

to dance on the music that's

me and I...

 I left out a part of me tonight

to hang in silence before it sighs

I run along the longest demure

of wanting to live the life

while I'm still sure...

Understand

Not finding the words
not knowing where it lands
not hoping for it all to end
and not knowing why it's all so broken
from wherever I stand

Not having to familiarize strangers
and not growing old amongst the hold

not wanting to know or hold

and not knowing what I was to withhold

No break for pauses

nor glancing for visions

no understudy or preperation helpful

for these unexpected visions

In negation and amidst denail

what is the make up of this senile?

They say they know,

but yet we know not what we do

and yet we run wild in our directions

after things and behind feelings

we call our own

Understanding - the basis for our knowledge

Understanding - the knowledge of all that's around

Understanding- the patience to know and forget,

of knowing and yet not showing

like the tear behind the smile of a clown...

 

 Disclosure

in order to gauge

the wetness in the rain

I felt and drowned into

the mercy of pain

to ride the clouds

above so high

I went and leapt

and fetched my flight- the night

and I did distance myself

from you

and you did well

in lightening up again

crossed bows

with venomous spews

hard talk with

broken views

and some spite

from the rising pain

who are you

and who was I

we turn onto ourselves

to search for answers

we never looked for

when we began...

shaken faith and twisted views

what does future hold,

should we ever invest again?

what are the returns and

whose are the rewards,

and is wanting needing again?

logics to words

and reasons to meanings

the long held skyscraper

begins to lose shape

I did dream

I just never did wake...

Your song

The call brings back the sight
and in spite of what you say
these are insipid gains

Remnants of want and fear
of togetherness after shreds
of the dawn melted perpetuity
down the drain

The light that kindled the
wisp of dark greed
asking for perfection
within humble needs

Taking to hermitage
a basket full of deed

Rebellion, this soul
couldn't find its creed

Broken tales, rattled
shells and some salt
Tired wings, now set free
attuned to earthly gore

Pain of love is not in belonging
or unbelonging
but in the want
of never needing anymore...

Desire

Closed and before
dangled and thrilled
to the core,
my religion
I'm sacrosanct no more

Inward and ashore,
gazing through bolted doors,
wailing for one more...
and bottled up, unsure

Hiding behind drawn curtains,
curled up in white flag
Adrift, adrift...
I'm smaller than before
abject in me,
is prevalent grimace
from the cure

Ask me to hold
what's not mine
and I'll procure
and hold me to ask
who's am I to be
and I'll elope
with those shadows, so pure

Strangers,
confide in me
I'm stranger than before...