Medicine

There are but few cures
to seal the pain

love procures

the seething pain

that drives you insane
no sleep or hunger

nothing but the trigger-happy feeling

of remaining bound by its refrains

they say it can easily kill you

and I say you are but a patient at best

if you were to remain

hoping and knowing

not asking or showing

patterns are nowhere

no maps or guides

bring out the torch, light the candles

oh the mysteries of this love,

they can keep you up
from daybreak to twilight

bound by surprises

hidden like treasured prizes
growing and gnawing
even if from a distance

you cannot fully know its gaze

its shines within your

and can light up your darkest days

a medicine that works

when none other can  

love is a potion

that's dwindling even in proportions 

try and go through

all the open doors
or look through the underground
all the way up to the core

if love is a pill
then I'm in love with medicine
and the doctor who came
up with this cure

for what love stands for
any lifetime is obscure...

Liar Liar

I set you free
from my mistakes and insanity

and there you will be

perfect in your serendipities

'cause there is one chance

that you I know you will not take

and that is to bet

on this bundle of mistakes...

I know you said you forgive me,

but was there any truth

speaking through you

or just misery tired of my lies?

I did ask you to cry in my arms

when I did become

the reason for your tears,

adding salt to the wounds

that I had fought

to separate all these years

Between you and me, 

we've weathered all storms

but perhaps none bigger

than these past few wrongs...

I know I cannot undo what I have done

and I know with every sad moment

that turns into regret

that I can't forgive myself
and you can't forget...

And if this is how it ends then 

forever suspended I will feel wry

and like a open wound

always think of 'why' 

I did lie to myself much more

is all I know

when I told myself
that I know who I am

and told you that 
I am sure...

FORGET

There are often moments in life

that we all long to forget

regret or otherwise

moments, we all relive

rather in disdain,
all in our head

We came across each other

at that certain time

you looking for hope

And me, just someone I could call mine

With friendship,
the bond grew

we began seeing things

no one else around knew

Days, weeks and months just melted

even from afar

As the distance blended into

our sacred, lovely moments' jar

One by one, we managed to untangle

the knots, 

and sort the anomalies that had earlier

shredded our hearts

Then love followed taking it to a level new

when I first felt your skin on mine

you felt our souls intertwined

It was all but a fairy tale, because this was true

slowly I was believing in love again

'cause I was being myself
and I was still being loved by you..

Time then borrowed wings,

hurried along before spreading the span

flew us into our quarters but not apart

longing gnawing a bittersweet pain

only to melt with a moment spent together

And one day when that moment finally came

our joy knew no bounds

We held hands and kissed too

and didn't know when to stop

Till boundaries seemed meaningless

and love flowed from the heart

All the long distance of longing

finally came to fore to soothe two raging hearts

Just short of a fairy tale

then followed a moment that made you wail

my inability to share things,

especially the ones that mattered most

almost sealed our fate

A fatal, forgetful sin

one I never dreamt of

even in my wildest dreams..

It began to bleed and the pain was too real

the tears in your eyes said much more

than the words you said or the ones I feared

all the time looking for things that could heal

but there was nothing to be found

You were my saviour,
my balm, my winning ground

And by creating a void in your happiness

I lost my baritone, a soundless explosion

that made hollow my throne

and no longer were you there,

my wings were clipped too

And the walls of my heart were stripped bare

along the corridors of pain
I stumbled along wisdom
and then some more 
and with your lingering presence 
rooted it back to my core

even from a distance
the journey then seemed a little less uphill
my peaks were still growing
and you were climbing still
and with your hands in mine
we gaped at the sunset
dipped in a glowing haze
to forget the misery 
that once beget..

Mirage

In a silent spot on the crowded train
I scream out your name
only to hear your echo
in my ears

With eyes shut tight
And ears holding up might
to suck out the light

The nameless faces pause for a second
And then go back to their ordinary lives
And take with them
the mirage that you were here...

The silent solitude and the empty bliss
together usurp any remnants of restraint
to let me see you with closed eyes
or envision with eyes open that you're here 

Words on Water

You came to me when I was lost

and today I find myself lost in you…

You held my soul when it wasn't wandering

and rested it within your fears

Years of emptiness arrested…

You came and opened all locked doors

including the ones sealing my lips

and heart

You held my nerves and

let me touch your heart

And within it you created us a home

a shelter to last, that was only ours to break

And I learned what it was to lean,

call someone mine and mean it too

What this word ‘love’ could mean...
and what we could become by it

But did I?

You told me actions are love

and I chased you down with words

You said silence is lyrical

and I wrote love songs to make you mine

You said love needs to be healthy

and I gorged on you till the clocks bled dry

You said distance would keep us sane

and together we tasted insanity

You kissed my lips and I bit your tongue

You said love needs to wait, it will find its way

and I proposed to you the same day

You told me the meaning of god

and I raised you the only pedestal I knew

You came to me shy and unhinged your hopes

I caged you in ropes and stitched your smile

You screamed reason with battered hope

I saw logics drugged with delusion

You threatened me in despair

and I saw no reason to stand up and care

You slowly breached the little spell

and I finally begun feeling the tremors as the tears fell

And then one day you packed up and left

with the pieces you could find

and scattered me to the mercy

of a mortal life in a room full of mirrors

Among reflections, I could only deflect for so long

and in your absence, my opium,

I couldn't help but see my life like you did

like I should have lived

like I could have cared

like I needed to give

things I needed to share

dreams I needed to dream

hopes I needed to raise

love as I was meant to see

pain I needed to share

words that couldn't care

actions you couldn't see

hope that ceased to arrive

fear that brought in strife

A hundred days passed us by

your wounds didn't heal

and my anger couldn't show me why

the apologies I piled on you

In the hope you would look right through

my sincerity and regrets

that brought me back to life

My fears and mistakes

were painted on our canvas like fire

and then my attempts to rescue

didn't seem to collate

all the scattered fears

and all my bumbling mistakes

I could have left the world

if I would leave it better

than I had found...

but the very flower adorning my garden

was now rusting to the ground

I said all my prayers and

called on all the gods I knew

only to realise that with the wilting flower

my only god was leaving me too

To the human in me, that decay left a sound

I rose from a deep slumber

and looked past the despair

Painting new leaves, the plant grew

but the flower remained static

like our distance before we knew

I could use all the words I know

and a million times for the forgiveness

for the logics I couldn't show

And tell you how much

I've lost already in your tears

to ask you to come back to me

draped even if in your fears

to promise you this time nothing but respect

to hold your head high in every aspect

to keep you in my heart before sight

to love you through the day and not just night

to reach out to the person in your skin

to hold you near but not close

to use words only when actions would dry

and love you till you till your hopes

begin to, once again, fly...

Find me

The world's greatest puzzle

revolves around the mysteries of the heart

where you stand

or what happens
when you fall apart

the mystery of a lost heartbeat

or sometimes a broken heart

a place which was safe from the world

is now where the bleeding first starts

Forgive me if I feel this way

but when was the last time
you felt love

was it with the words I said

or the last memory of happiness
 when we were underway?

I could find you if I knew where I was

I could find myself if I knew where we fell apart

the traces are far too spread between the pain

to pick up a thread and source the start

And so I stand and wait in vain

with broken pieces and charred remains

of a spirit and a sordid heart,

one that deadbeat with you apart

I love you, and love they say will find a way

together we journeyed down this road

Hopeful of a tomorrow better than yesterday

On a hope 

bleak as the future may seem sometimes

and glorious past may haunt the pride

stop sometime and seize the commotion

what we salvage is not the love but our slide

the love's strong and the emotion stronger still

I loved you yesterday, today,

tomorrow and I always will

the hunt for self is still on, and it’s a journey

that will lead me to the love

that's only mine to lose...

 

GONE

The bed is made on your side
and the curtains are drawn
the oxygen's missing
and death seems nearer than dawn

deaf-tones seeping from bleeding walls
are but echoes of the broken falls
empty vases and charred remains
are remnants of how far this longing's spanned

the dust on the shoes is now rust
the flame is the desires has long turned ash
the rain has long stood guard to my moist eyes
coming down each time to see me
when I feel lonely without your lullaby's

like a traveler you've join back the race
leaving behind an essence of an embrace,
an empty frame and a pair of numb hands
are not half as painful as the never ending nights

rise, like the phoenix and sail in my direction
and teach me the real magic of painting smiles
the necromancy you can accomplish
is dearer to those living out lies 

I could write a thousand words today about a hug

sing a million why you should be mine
holding a few pieces of my heart in my hand
I close my eyes to turn back time

if you know how much of yourself you left behind
you'd come back for me, and change my world 
one more time the way you had done
the magic in this might
will reunite all that customs had to divide

or call me, a hopeless drifter, in your direction
like a bag of plastic, weightless I've floated for long now
or come and stub out this bag of bones
for one last touch from you death will wait...

Sure

We love from distance

because we're sure,

we love despite resistance

because we couldn't be anything

or anyone anymore

The care is lasting,

our love is a storm

There ain't a nightmare,

we can't take head-on,

we've been reckoned this way...

From the sultry nights

to the dizzying heights

keep me sane from the maddening flight

that is you and I...

We love from our might,

a form or shape peculiar to world's gaze,

smirking at the horizon,

making merry in this haze

You and I have a story to tell,

and we'll tell it right,

swinging back and forth in measured paces,

oblivious to any fright,

we'll get there alright...

What you are to me,

no one will ever know

an infinitesimal energy,

a bundle of hope, a resting place

Oh, death will come to me slow...

all the secrets of this life I now know

Marching fervently in tepid directions,

and reaching out for the impossible life,

spreading thin the sorrows,

wafting out the realities too,

and dreaming till it's daylight

Oh, the nights hang in wait...

curling up in all directions

as you and I are kept at a distance

the wait gets unbearable at times

as reality gets too hard to take 

So you see,

I wait for you on the other side,

at the cusp of the circumference

where light illuminates those virgin grounds,

where rasping voices sing solemn blues,

and memories yield more than teardrops...

flying as we go,

right past the rainbows' hues

playing our own tracks,

as life takes cues... 

Moments

Tick tock... tick tock

the clock moves like you

vowing never to stop

I sit back and watch sometimes

as minutes turn to hours,

hoping to find moments with you

listen to the stories

swept in time,

sing you a song

as our lyrics rhyme

to get close to you,

even from a distance

and rest within you when near

you smile at my wins

up from the sky

wipe my sins 

and sing sweet lullabys

hold my fear, set free my djinns

shine like the sun

make the earth grin

warming it with your glow

or perhaps the all pervading moon

you are visible

but to only those who know

like a night shining in your wisps

silent and hidden

from the prying eyes

you slip into my being

when I begin to feel low

take every step ahead

before I know...

Distance

I’ve held you here

Up, close, let you become dear

And, you have let me grow

Sowed the seeds of love

Without letting me know

Long and unhindered have been our seasons

Undivided have been my joys

Compounding with each day of your grace

And growing from the longing of the night

Little aberrations of your absence

I’ve lost sleep over

Little moments of distance

Have led me to forsake

Oh, but this new obstacle in our course

Is harder than anything we’d ever had to shake

Your absence douses my lonely heart

Oh, the pain of knowing it from the start

The sacrifices you’ve had to make are many

Like the moments that keep me going

In your longing, I embrace

The feeling of not being far….

The promises you’re yet to keep

The love I’m yet to give or receive

The life that is set to renew

Is all that I’m looking for when I look up...

The last days, the curled up smiles

The simmering moments in the days rushing by

All too dear, with a pinch of salt I keep

As I close my eyes and let dreams sweep...

With the promise I no longer weep

With the hope I sometimes sleep

With the longing; my eyes still know

I’m not far behind, wherever you go

Distance makes those loved fonder

And leaves many verses like this incomplete

For the journeys are us as much as we are them

Like these blank pages waiting to be complete…

Vendetta

Sitting cosy with closed eyes

rhyming thoughts with alibis

mixing ambitions with free will

planning to journey up the hill

A desire that reeks desperation

a moment for meek admiration

outliving the fear and consternation

the overkill of constant aggravation

The feeling of sanity in true

the hope of starting all new

the joy of feeling no pain

and rising to stake the claim

A momentary lapse of reason

almost betraying the cusp of treason

philandering with weak incisions

made deep into the being of my soul

Not knowing when to say no

or saying anything at all

among blind scores I'm heralded

and in silence it takes toll

Deposit the sum you're here to pay

or inherit the agony and the merits of the sway

run as you may these roads are hollow

no reasons really, we're just born shallow

Fill the stem of logics, do repair

the constant bouts of conscience, too are getting there

and deep in thoughts I push to keep

every quiet moment that weeps

Is growing old the same as growing cold?

I don't think it'll chill the vineyard within

the fruits of my agony would best know

when equated with the years that show

In this part of the country it doesn't often snow

no deserted streets or places you wouldn't know

yet stranger tides rule this town

and cover you with shades black or brown

Changes are here and changes will flow

of the things I keep, I'll make sure I don't let go

and in vain, some with reasons will know

all that I keep is all that I know

When it comes to the core

we're all strangers, unaware, far away from pure

the sun perhaps runs too deep

and yet there ain't no sunshine you can keep

So think not, time will not pay

the heart is in its place and mind is in its race

and with no destination, we're destined to obey

ask no more just walk the day...

चल दिए

एक दिन आया
खुद को पाया


खुद से जो मिले
सब कुछ आया


सब कुछ जो मिला
कुछ भी न मिला


जब कुछ न मिला
खुद को पाया


खुद से मिलकर
कुछ ख़ुशी हुई


कुछ ख़ुशी मिली
ग़म भी आया


ग़मगीन रहे ख़ुशी रूठ गयी
हँसना भूले रोना आया


रोते रोते रात गयी
सुबह उठे नया दिन आया


नए दिन का नया सुरूर था
फिर क्यूँ कल में जीने का फितूर था


जब सोचा तो समझ न आया
फिर रात ढली सपना आया


सपने जो थे अपने जो थे
गिन गिन कर उनको अपनाया


कुछ छूटे थे कुछ टूटे थे
आँखों में थे पर रूठे थे


कुछ खो कर भी कितना कुछ पाया
तुम जो आये, सब कुछ आया 


मंजिल भी मिली रस्ते भी दिखे
उन रास्तों पर खुद का पाया


दिए चल उस डगर पर, छोड़ पीछे अगर मगर, डर
राहों में हमारी तुम जो थे

Back again

Wrestling with words
you never spoke
coping with
the collisions
the silence was to evoke

Wanting the misery
to take its
place,
the smile anyway
is more painful to the face

Paranoid for a trace
lost in a cascading embrace
embedded deep within
are traces
of the unforgettable
grimace

This silence
has a different sound
over and over
come and
hear it echo
in my head

Behind closed
memories,
years
are gearing up
The yearn
is growing
to let it slip
for once

Controlling the yearn
shape the
tears
I routed
to your name
thy grace
and cheers

I lost my
place,
the chance
to pucker up
and gain
my trust again

now I write songs
in echo
of your wake

Don't you want to approve?
Don't you want the sound
that once made you sway?

I've made my bucket list
and
I'm floating with the letters
in my head

And like tomorrow
there'll be thoughts of y'day

I'll look out for me
when I lookout for you
And until I find
the one in me
I'll keep searching
coming back for you ...