Liar Liar

I set you free
from my mistakes and insanity

and there you will be

perfect in your serendipities

'cause there is one chance

that you I know you will not take

and that is to bet

on this bundle of mistakes...

I know you said you forgive me,

but was there any truth

speaking through you

or just misery tired of my lies?

I did ask you to cry in my arms

when I did become

the reason for your tears,

adding salt to the wounds

that I had fought

to separate all these years

Between you and me, 

we've weathered all storms

but perhaps none bigger

than these past few wrongs...

I know I cannot undo what I have done

and I know with every sad moment

that turns into regret

that I can't forgive myself
and you can't forget...

And if this is how it ends then 

forever suspended I will feel wry

and like a open wound

always think of 'why' 

I did lie to myself much more

is all I know

when I told myself
that I know who I am

and told you that 
I am sure...

Opium indifference

with a slit of light

the cloud puff became clear

the inching of your breath

and the lisps in your swears

the sky had descended

replacing the blue with black

the scraped skin in your fingers

and the midnight in your backpack

cuddled in the ruins of your coiled hair

were the restrains of the night

that we had previously laid bare

the dark spots on the walls

had witnessed with sleepy blur

the opium on your tongue

and the quiet soothing of pain

the vibrations had softened to slow

as indifference began to grow

in the shell of slumberous lair

I finally felt the spring in my chair

a few feet higher than ground

my feet nowhere to be found

like feathers suspended in mid-air

a new breed had mushroomed within

taller than my wares

I was indifferent to prying glares...

I was free at last,

but the price was too much to pay

living in the night

thinking of it to be day..

Words on Water

You came to me when I was lost

and today I find myself lost in you…

You held my soul when it wasn't wandering

and rested it within your fears

Years of emptiness arrested…

You came and opened all locked doors

including the ones sealing my lips

and heart

You held my nerves and

let me touch your heart

And within it you created us a home

a shelter to last, that was only ours to break

And I learned what it was to lean,

call someone mine and mean it too

What this word ‘love’ could mean...
and what we could become by it

But did I?

You told me actions are love

and I chased you down with words

You said silence is lyrical

and I wrote love songs to make you mine

You said love needs to be healthy

and I gorged on you till the clocks bled dry

You said distance would keep us sane

and together we tasted insanity

You kissed my lips and I bit your tongue

You said love needs to wait, it will find its way

and I proposed to you the same day

You told me the meaning of god

and I raised you the only pedestal I knew

You came to me shy and unhinged your hopes

I caged you in ropes and stitched your smile

You screamed reason with battered hope

I saw logics drugged with delusion

You threatened me in despair

and I saw no reason to stand up and care

You slowly breached the little spell

and I finally begun feeling the tremors as the tears fell

And then one day you packed up and left

with the pieces you could find

and scattered me to the mercy

of a mortal life in a room full of mirrors

Among reflections, I could only deflect for so long

and in your absence, my opium,

I couldn't help but see my life like you did

like I should have lived

like I could have cared

like I needed to give

things I needed to share

dreams I needed to dream

hopes I needed to raise

love as I was meant to see

pain I needed to share

words that couldn't care

actions you couldn't see

hope that ceased to arrive

fear that brought in strife

A hundred days passed us by

your wounds didn't heal

and my anger couldn't show me why

the apologies I piled on you

In the hope you would look right through

my sincerity and regrets

that brought me back to life

My fears and mistakes

were painted on our canvas like fire

and then my attempts to rescue

didn't seem to collate

all the scattered fears

and all my bumbling mistakes

I could have left the world

if I would leave it better

than I had found...

but the very flower adorning my garden

was now rusting to the ground

I said all my prayers and

called on all the gods I knew

only to realise that with the wilting flower

my only god was leaving me too

To the human in me, that decay left a sound

I rose from a deep slumber

and looked past the despair

Painting new leaves, the plant grew

but the flower remained static

like our distance before we knew

I could use all the words I know

and a million times for the forgiveness

for the logics I couldn't show

And tell you how much

I've lost already in your tears

to ask you to come back to me

draped even if in your fears

to promise you this time nothing but respect

to hold your head high in every aspect

to keep you in my heart before sight

to love you through the day and not just night

to reach out to the person in your skin

to hold you near but not close

to use words only when actions would dry

and love you till you till your hopes

begin to, once again, fly...

Going Away

We've a long distance standing in our way

we've come far, but it looks like

we might have to turn away

or turn back I know not yet

I cry, and you spill the tears

helping me realise the worst of my fears

I take it you know pain

we've bled into each others veins

Time heals only the memory of the dead

the living continue to gnaw

and dominate the makings of  life

bit by bit, the changing strides

leading in directions, both ambiguous and known
walking the hard yards in shoes once 

were only yours to be worn
but now seem alien as day

space it out and give it time

seem perfectly plausible approaches

but why do they not know

I wasn't born this way

what makes me special

also makes me bad taste

my makers you know this

and it's been with me before I was chaste

but now I'm unpure,
unattended and obscure

slowly getting lost in my own delusions

stumbling between self-loathing and confusions

this life is good, the only problem is that  I feel

the misery in seeing what others don't

however, is that I live it but it doesn't heal

How do you reason with pain

that you willingly take?

Who do you question? 

What can you salvage...?

Taking a few steps back,

I see my reflection asking me

to change my direction or

end this journey before I become more of myself

unfaithful and unprejudiced is the heart,

knowing all the truth from the start

yet doing everything to keep it at bay

let you fantasize even on the funeral pyre

I wish one could step away from one's own being

live without knowing control or knowing control

away from the purview of a living being

A world free of misunderstandings and hate,

complicated thoughts and rigid distances

How I wish...

Words 

Let me touch you with my words,

for my hands I will leave this empty glance

let me kiss you with this thought

my lips are numb from the missed chance

let me not kill this sight that lends fire

my soul is still burning

and my heart is all desire

Within you I lose myself,

and without I find myself waiting for a chance

what will I take of you

back with me

with these lifeless hands?

Let me love you as you sit in that chair,

without any movement

strip you bare, with this thought

and the sound of kiss

these thoughts will do the elusive trick

Let my words stroke your hair,

slide down your back,

and tickle your belly

My hands, stubborn as brick,

lie lifelessly,

not willing to carry out
my simplest desires

Let my words enter your mind,

bearing torches,

and lit them willingly into your being,

so they may caress you gently within...

From my lips to your heart,

despite this distance,

there will be a road still...

Without my hands and sight,

flying with my words and in my might

My love will take me there,

Where you wait for me...

Where I wait for completion... of every kind

Still

I'm going back to the corner

where I first saw you

deep with my heart

it seems all brand new

There are some memories by the door

of that lasting sweet smell

when you'd walk in unannounced

and somewhere in those notes I still dwell

The strings are floating in the air

the music though is new

it's the season of our togetherness

why then so far are you

I'm sitting by the phone

just waiting for a sound

hoping you'd call and wake me up

turn the clock around

The distance doesn't have me fooled

I'm more in love with you

farther from your affection

but closer to what's our due

You know as well as me

I'm not here by will

without you in this abyss

I'm just living as a decrepit

They offer me a glass of wine

to take a sip and sulk

than write and whine

how do I tell them who you are

Will they ever know what you mean

do I have the words to make them see

I'm struggling to ask questions

for its been long since I longed to see

I've wandered off before

the travails have been fun

but this road that I'm on

I've been here too long

I long for an embrace

from nobody else but you

the day goes by quietly

but the night screams at me asking of you

I've moved into groups

they have caged by tears with their rants

but where do I hide the empty spaces

with these broken battered hands

The pictures have melted me beyond tears

my eyes now rest, closed

the only sight to move them

is of you being here...

I'm not moving
for you might come looking for me here
the distance is too much to arouse hope
but within my heart it grows  

Fleeting

Meeting and greeting

often in haste

a bittersweet symphony

for the longing to remain chaste

Of desire, you can speak at will

in denial there is eternity

wanting to stomp every decree

before it becomes an overkill

When I close my eyes
the lights go off

but in  the background
the noise refuses to dim

just like the moments you saved
when you stopped to look

are the ones 
that did you in

life moves fast, so fast at times

I hold myself to steal some time

nestling under the moist look on your face

I turn my back to what we leave behind

there are moments
when I become pure
hide my profanities
and become my very cure

but these moment are rare
rare as your sight
like so many things you are to me
a fleeting glimpse of my might

a rose that neither withers
nor loses its sheen
I run away from reality 
when it begins to drift away from the seams

No, I'm not dying or drifting away
but the epic ending is far from sight
even as these passages
become clearer by the day

a final journey into my being reveals
the very details only you managed to steal
the frosted glances deep in your soul
that I best remember as my living days

Inseparable

There are one dreams too many

as I close my eyes

your breath still heavy on my skin

as I turn off the lights

You absence, my sordid fear

the darkness, too much to take

the missing link in my being

is your want for which my heart aches

The haunting melodies

of your symphonies

that strain my ears,

you are close deep within, treasured,

but lingering away

from my eyes

I long for answers

as I prepare for abandon

there are none, however, that I will take

even as reasons weaken might

I will ask only that

which I can’t forsake

The road you and I are on

blends at the seams

yet the journey is long

and the burden

seemingly more than I can take

Bit by bit it’s grazing me to the bone

I know its progress

but the forthcoming distance

is a pain I've not known

I admit it’s an apt yearning

progression fueling the long-withheld desire

the insatiable want versus

the logical need

And yet there are casualties

Oh, the hearts on fire

the killing wait, an abject test

of wanting someone even more

Did I tell you you’re all my reasons

and alibis?

Within you my being resides

Within you is my resting place

If only you could be the reliever

of all my desires…