Words on Water

You came to me when I was lost

and today I find myself lost in you…

You held my soul when it wasn't wandering

and rested it within your fears

Years of emptiness arrested…

You came and opened all locked doors

including the ones sealing my lips

and heart

You held my nerves and

let me touch your heart

And within it you created us a home

a shelter to last, that was only ours to break

And I learned what it was to lean,

call someone mine and mean it too

What this word ‘love’ could mean...
and what we could become by it

But did I?

You told me actions are love

and I chased you down with words

You said silence is lyrical

and I wrote love songs to make you mine

You said love needs to be healthy

and I gorged on you till the clocks bled dry

You said distance would keep us sane

and together we tasted insanity

You kissed my lips and I bit your tongue

You said love needs to wait, it will find its way

and I proposed to you the same day

You told me the meaning of god

and I raised you the only pedestal I knew

You came to me shy and unhinged your hopes

I caged you in ropes and stitched your smile

You screamed reason with battered hope

I saw logics drugged with delusion

You threatened me in despair

and I saw no reason to stand up and care

You slowly breached the little spell

and I finally begun feeling the tremors as the tears fell

And then one day you packed up and left

with the pieces you could find

and scattered me to the mercy

of a mortal life in a room full of mirrors

Among reflections, I could only deflect for so long

and in your absence, my opium,

I couldn't help but see my life like you did

like I should have lived

like I could have cared

like I needed to give

things I needed to share

dreams I needed to dream

hopes I needed to raise

love as I was meant to see

pain I needed to share

words that couldn't care

actions you couldn't see

hope that ceased to arrive

fear that brought in strife

A hundred days passed us by

your wounds didn't heal

and my anger couldn't show me why

the apologies I piled on you

In the hope you would look right through

my sincerity and regrets

that brought me back to life

My fears and mistakes

were painted on our canvas like fire

and then my attempts to rescue

didn't seem to collate

all the scattered fears

and all my bumbling mistakes

I could have left the world

if I would leave it better

than I had found...

but the very flower adorning my garden

was now rusting to the ground

I said all my prayers and

called on all the gods I knew

only to realise that with the wilting flower

my only god was leaving me too

To the human in me, that decay left a sound

I rose from a deep slumber

and looked past the despair

Painting new leaves, the plant grew

but the flower remained static

like our distance before we knew

I could use all the words I know

and a million times for the forgiveness

for the logics I couldn't show

And tell you how much

I've lost already in your tears

to ask you to come back to me

draped even if in your fears

to promise you this time nothing but respect

to hold your head high in every aspect

to keep you in my heart before sight

to love you through the day and not just night

to reach out to the person in your skin

to hold you near but not close

to use words only when actions would dry

and love you till you till your hopes

begin to, once again, fly...

तुम्हारा जन्मदिन

कल है तुम्हारा जन्मदिन 

साल का सबसे पहला वोही दिन 

दिन आज फिर कुछ अलग है 

साए में तुम्हारे यह अब है 

दिख्ता है अब तुम सा यह दिन

कल है तुम्हारा जन्मदिन

चरों तरफ हैं साए,

टूटी आवाजें हमारी

दूरी तो है मगर बस अब 

थोड़े कदम पे है आज़ादी

शिकवे है कितने जो बरसे 

अरमान वोही जिन के लिए तरसे

तुम कहो अब मिलें तुमसे आके 

बाकी कहाँ है ज़िन्दगी तुम बिन 

मर जायें अगर तो भी अधूरे

बातें बाकी और तारे भी साए

मौत की भी कहानी है 

मर मर के डरते

कर कर के भरते 
लड़ते और अड़ते 
तुम ही से बनते और 
तुम पर ही बिगड़ते 

बस तुम्ही हो अब 

तसवीरें कुछ उन यारों की 

तेरे मेरे सारों की

करवटों लेती एक्रारों की 

जिनसे मिलना अभी बाकी है 

उन बचपन के व्यापारों की 

खो दिए जो तेरे पल मैंने 

उसके आंसुओं के धारों की 

मर मर के अब न मिट पाएंगे

तुम्हे खो देंगे, सो जायेंगे

उस नींद से अब सुबह होगी

जहाँ जागेंगे तेरे चेहरे पे 

Vendetta

Sitting cosy with closed eyes

rhyming thoughts with alibis

mixing ambitions with free will

planning to journey up the hill

A desire that reeks desperation

a moment for meek admiration

outliving the fear and consternation

the overkill of constant aggravation

The feeling of sanity in true

the hope of starting all new

the joy of feeling no pain

and rising to stake the claim

A momentary lapse of reason

almost betraying the cusp of treason

philandering with weak incisions

made deep into the being of my soul

Not knowing when to say no

or saying anything at all

among blind scores I'm heralded

and in silence it takes toll

Deposit the sum you're here to pay

or inherit the agony and the merits of the sway

run as you may these roads are hollow

no reasons really, we're just born shallow

Fill the stem of logics, do repair

the constant bouts of conscience, too are getting there

and deep in thoughts I push to keep

every quiet moment that weeps

Is growing old the same as growing cold?

I don't think it'll chill the vineyard within

the fruits of my agony would best know

when equated with the years that show

In this part of the country it doesn't often snow

no deserted streets or places you wouldn't know

yet stranger tides rule this town

and cover you with shades black or brown

Changes are here and changes will flow

of the things I keep, I'll make sure I don't let go

and in vain, some with reasons will know

all that I keep is all that I know

When it comes to the core

we're all strangers, unaware, far away from pure

the sun perhaps runs too deep

and yet there ain't no sunshine you can keep

So think not, time will not pay

the heart is in its place and mind is in its race

and with no destination, we're destined to obey

ask no more just walk the day...

ASYLUM

 Wake me up 

I want to climb up the wall

don't trim me down

I'm not going taking the fall

I'm not looking for shelter

or a place to weep

drink me down with the dew

I'm running through my sleep

Shades in this darkness

have the same hue

silence before the storm

that I'm fighting over you..

Where do you dissipate,

my philandering soul

why do you nest in the

sordid sky

Why when you can't walk

you want to size the earth

spleen the green

and sip the mirth

I prayed for wings

but my tears bled me dry

I leapt in the air

but the ground fell shy

I call for your dreams

mine are far behind my sight

don't think of me when I'm gone

I wouldn't be glad to know 

I was right

Kill me if you must

but let me know if we survived

I've lost fear of dying

for its living that I've survived

When I'm done sleeping

I'll gauge my fall

look in the mirror

and wait for you call...

Somebody's someone

sometimes I feel I know it all

all the hurt, big or small

you could tell me 

and I'd not find anything new

of what love is, 

of what you need

and what you want

and what you speak

in all your stance

I know what you think

and I know why you do

I think I know something about

everyone but nothing about you

You, my image

that carries my fall

I wonder in question

have we met at all?

My spirit, please rise

lift me up from this veiled disguise

these people I know

sadly know me as much as I

I wonder in scores, and ponder alone too

What am I leaving in what I leave behind for you?

Who will come looking if I'm falling behind,

and what will I leave if it suddenly turns blind

The curse, and this sight

matter no more in darkness than light

for take me back before it mattered

let me see my old world in order

Passing time has left me grim,

there have been smiles

lasting only till I could blink

and in a flash, a new world pans

I look out and keep looking

I see strange faces, no faces or hands...

Cut me to present but present it new

something, a little something

that I must be to anyone you ever knew

and give me a reason to more than live

ask me to feel and grant me to give

A believer not dead but wry

is on a lookout for a religion

to shake some beliefs...

for someone somewhere

may read it too

like I did when I woke up 

wishing over what I thought I knew...

Castaway

Leading from a land
to a place without shore...

Running in oblivion
but circumspect to the core

Muddled in disbelief
and demonized by the cynosure
of this black

Heaps and heaps
of torn sand
waved upon miles
of unpossessed land

Tagging the mirth
of the vast emptiness along
like the barren wind
whistling for rain to come along...

Blur into the thin divide, the ends meet
and worlds collide,
words polite and thoughts aside

part between the gentle
and the maverick, cast aside

I hide in the blue tavern
where abstract was at play,
a coral stoner gazing at the still day

No feelings or words,
just emotions at play
dark and sullen
there the dandy lost its way...

A cry in the lone,
a gump in his moan
dithering but never shown
censored for those to whom known...


And then the 'happy, forever be,'
a dream that swells within every anomaly
sailing away to the place
before wailing away what was,
what it was, unsure...

End of days

Nearing the edge of reason,
thoughts sway

between never ending seasons

of doubts, what lasts

and what stays

Don't say it,
just let it come its way
I've been let down before
coming through the ways
that I thought led
to where I made my shore
and perhaps our bay was too

Remember, how you taught me
to see magic in the world
You know what,
I still do

The occurence and the reccurence of it all
is no more an abysmal blur

They say I have a heart problem now
I tell them, I always did

They tell me I can't love everyone

and but one who I can't see

but must deem is out there true

I wonder how it's still alive
but then I realised, its not
where is the love?

Every step of the way
giving up a little more
everyday, in one or the other way

Remorsing on this journey
wishing for more steps in this play

between wanting and giving up

and this bittersweet foreplay

Let me breathe
cause I'm drowning in my shadow
while you sleep hiding in your sun

The end is what we don't see

and the beginning what we can't define anyway

Two face

Sometimes its only an escape

that can save the day

or save you an emotion

you'd not easily

be able to displace

Sometimes there is no grace,

lasting displeasure

and in no one's eyes

can you picture the gaze

Bitter distaste

of a tear that ran dry

or the mortal fear of

the time's turning page

How do you know,

its never clear

When a reason for happiness

silences laughter to tears

The reasons a heart

has to keep things sacred,

emotions cold and hatred burning in deep
are the same

that add pleasure to sanity,

memory to happiness

and plant affection in heaps

The roll of the dice;

faces aplenty and little

need for disguise

one entity,

how long can it survive?

There is convergence tonight

Time


The one who taught me
the value of time
the space between hands
and
the circular dial
that revolves everything
mortal or divine

Sadly she ain't here today
If she was, she would be proud
of the way
I didn't let eternity slip
I captured the seasons,
fast trickling while you were away

time passed away ...

Time passed away
and when for those moments
you will return
you'll find me holding
the precious
priceless piece of urn

Only growing will then be that yearn
the insinuation of unlearning
that burn
and
no longer feeling lost or concerned..

The chronology tells me
its time for me
too, to go
to leave behind and
no longer stem the flow

Life lived blow by blow
dispelling
more moments, disheveling the
time fuse
and letting the spark glow

Aeons ago, they said it did seep
and mother earth took in
every drop of weep
but no longer it hold
another mortal cry
and
tears I spill for you
would lingering in front of me lie

Generation to an instance called life
the beginning and ad infinitum of
what either failed to surmise
The silence can no longer amuse
or stage what
not being said

words not said become words wishfully unsaid

Time through the hourglass
flowing vividly, the slipstream
I wish time did show
what with time
we are out to seek

for time is a passing picture
of not being able to hold
what guilty bred, swollen thoughts
didn't let you reap ..

and there

you see, is where
hands hold up and keep moving
right when you need them
they strike that blow

Hear that gong, time's up .. gotta go!

The End ..

That which is complete
is easier to comprehend
As that free is hardly known
or understood,
nothing or no one to pretend

To glow in the dark
is a mortal wish
To fade to black
is what we all
safely accomplish ..

Being faded then
is a kind bliss
Not as what had been
remedied though
For there, spiritualized it lay
A perpetual yesterday ..

As shades hide
what has never been
Yet, if any wishes
reality could entertain
In this nonchalant series
of unfortunate events
All that you get is customized pain ..

A time without beginning,
prologue or a preface
And a journey with only recollections
of being
farther than near ..
Of being stuck in a moment
the ' falling apart ' fear

A brief moment in between
when I lived
Brief as
the rub of green
was fast turning pale ..
The present growing
stale
The memories
breathed,
the perspectives exhaled

And before
it could set in
A few springs were
all too bright
for life
to sense the sheen ..

Moments of everlastingness
& fortunate
was my search then
While what I sought
nonetheless
that, I was seeking,
I never did guess ..

They screamed in my ears,
and once I did hear them say ..
'Day after day, love turns Grey
Like the skin of a dead man ..
Night after night
we pretend it going to be alright'
.. you've grown colder
and I've turned bolder ..

Gone has the wild day & matured
has the night
Having lived with a purpose
a li'l something more
that .. makes the conclusion discreet

Among the clouds then again
where firm roads soak
the roaring peace comes .. the end.

Is there anybody out there ?

Sound the bugle now, let it stir to me ..
Echoes reverberating in this silence
Are too loud for me to ignore
An indelible emotion voiced in this gloom
thats too stark for me to abhor ..

Can you hear me now ?
Do my words come out right ?
Am I really stumbling ?
Have you taken the flight ?

Or Is it just me cursed by the daylight ?

I'm trying to stop myself and think
I have to stop thinking and move on ..

Is there anybody out there ?

Knock .. Knock .. Open up
I find the truth in my reflection ..
Is there a relevance in this defiance ?

Come out and scream out your presence
There are words that must be said
and ones that must be heard ...

Alive amidst the vanity and guile
there are footsteps of the crowd ..
Rescued by fate, caressed by desires

Eclipsed is the smoke
Apparent are the clouds ..

Were you ever here ..
my eyes have so longed for a sight .. ?


Is there anybody out there ?

Are you another fantasy of mine ?
Are you a beauty too divine ?
Longing for the the last laugh
the passages between weep ..

Isn't today all there is .. ?

Or Is tomorrow turning up a glance again ?
Is the silence to soothe or depict scorn ?

Waiting for an answer still ..
From dusk to dawn
For a many a gem that eyes
fathom turn green

And all others are a feigned excuse

Living with virtues I find best in solitude
I seem to have forayed beyond the boundaries of a recluse
And watching the hurried from the sidelines

Waiting for my auspicious flight benign ..
And Until it sleeps, I'm hopeful all will turn fair


Is there anybody out there ?

Stone walls .. do not a prison make
Nor Iron bars a cage ..
As minds innocent and quiet
benumbed by altruism
take to life as a hermitage

Of all the causes that conspire to blind
Erring a man's judgment, protruding the mind

Where should the spirit of a mortal proceed ?
Like an aimless meteor or a prisoner set free ..

On mercy , at life's decree


Is there anybody out there ?


I have my freedom in love
And promises that make me salvage each gain
And with every absence I've grown up to relinquish
A fistful of hope ..
A new epitome of this game !

Anguish of the unspoken word…

I have lived for very long inside his head,

waiting to be uttered,

like lyrics from a broken song

Today, my dreams have been shattered.

for now, I know

that I will never

see, the light of the day,

enjoy the joy of being alive, ever

will not enjoy the sun in May

The birds though still would carry on

the leaves will fall and the sun will dawn

She had this chance to give me life

even as I lived before we knew ...

And almost.. She gave it but her all.

but If only, this life could renew

to let go of me and let me live in some

one,

never embarked in her embrace

My entity, somewhere was

her own extension, that hid under the cloak of disgrace

To give hope and respite from strife,

that cannot be for such is the harm done

There is no life for me if her wishes die.

no reprise, not an absolution

not one that any death can buy 

She might utter me still

but what of an entity that now remains

A name that’s familiar yet unacceptably ignorable

and here it ends

much deeper than it soothed, when it began

It will not be the same, at best a lie

I will be hollow, devoid of meaning and will

Pronounced, obliterated and finally overwritten

being uttered for there is nothing else to be said

being accepted because there is nothing better to do

I wish I was never born,

Never wanted to be spoken about

But, I was born

born out of hope

An ensemble woven out of perplexities

shadows and I circumvent in the dark

an unhinged rein of this glory,

that’s offsets the humiliation

A plethora of emotions that

best not spoken, portray

How...

we couldn't hold

what we ourselves made...

Hope is what keeps me from being broken.

as silence speaks of forthcoming light

For not everything that matters remains…