Mirage

In a silent spot on the crowded train
I scream out your name
only to hear your echo
in my ears

With eyes shut tight
And ears holding up might
to suck out the light

The nameless faces pause for a second
And then go back to their ordinary lives
And take with them
the mirage that you were here...

The silent solitude and the empty bliss
together usurp any remnants of restraint
to let me see you with closed eyes
or envision with eyes open that you're here 

Opium indifference

with a slit of light

the cloud puff became clear

the inching of your breath

and the lisps in your swears

the sky had descended

replacing the blue with black

the scraped skin in your fingers

and the midnight in your backpack

cuddled in the ruins of your coiled hair

were the restrains of the night

that we had previously laid bare

the dark spots on the walls

had witnessed with sleepy blur

the opium on your tongue

and the quiet soothing of pain

the vibrations had softened to slow

as indifference began to grow

in the shell of slumberous lair

I finally felt the spring in my chair

a few feet higher than ground

my feet nowhere to be found

like feathers suspended in mid-air

a new breed had mushroomed within

taller than my wares

I was indifferent to prying glares...

I was free at last,

but the price was too much to pay

living in the night

thinking of it to be day..

जाने क्यूँ

सब कुछ पीछे छोड़

हम चले आये थे 

जाने तुम क्यूँ वापस चले आये 

जाने क्यूँ हमने तुम्हे आने दिया

घाव तो अभी भरे नहीं थे 

सपनों से अभी हम डरे नहीं थे

मौत से आगे बढे नहीं थे

ज़ख्मों में क्यूँ तुम्हे शामिल किया

ख़ामोशी से अभी भी नाता कहाँ हैं 

मन की सड़कों पे खाली यादें जमा हैं

बढ़ते तो सिर्फ कागज़ पे दिन है 

जाने क्यूँ बाकी अब तक यहाँ हैं

मिल कर भी मिल जो जाए तो क्या 

न मिल के जो खोया वो अब भी लापता है 

जाने क्यूँ अब भी तेरे सपनों में शामिल

हैं मेरे सपने जो कभी हमारे न बन पाए

मन्मर्ज़ियाँ जो बयान न कर पाएं
जो छुप जाएँ तो तुम बिन कहाँ जाएँ
जाने क्यूँ ढूंढें बस वोही जो न पाएं 
जाने क्यूँ

OUTLINE

Lying in wait to be found

moving in circles, round and round

asking for wait and waiting too

Oh, I’ve not forgotten what I was to you…

Lovers in meaning and surrogates for fate

blending in healing for welter aftertaste

Quiz me now of a broken bridge

bonds that bend, 

and of the twists in the fate

And I’ll sing you a soothing rhyme

Nothing beyond the story I’ve timed 

and the reality

that today is so blue....

Twisting and turning and longing for churning

A hope put out off late…

a long forgotten wait...

Oh, but I could be the same to you

I could tear the sky and paint your face

And let it hang there for it to dry

Mortal and pure, neither after nor before

I could wait for signs from up above

and ask for a favorable end...

Wondering into, a dream castle anew

and wet sands clustering my view

One who can endure

could come and be me for sure

But I…

Oh, but I could dig a hole

an incomplete aberration of pure

and lie their while the sand wades

through the helter-skelter sun

Waiting to rob me of my sky

I could come if you close your eyes

Wish in me to keep you alive

And that way I’ll be through

Living and dying, vying for you…

Rehab of everyday

I hang my shoes

and sit down to play

You tell me now if I'm old

and if they'll let me get away?

My moments, my dreams

all insipid it seems,

I turn to run away from my being

To be pure like a smile

To be sure like a child

to run towards my very own sun

to stop trying and be someone

To hold and not pose

to sing not an old prose

to fly out beyond the sky

to sketch my own lullaby 

I hang out my soul,

to leave it to dry

while I enjoy the stroll

deep down into my being

to stop and ponder

the things I'm seeing

to shed a tear on that which hurts

to laugh and cheer my only life

to dance on the music that's

me and I...

 I left out a part of me tonight

to hang in silence before it sighs

I run along the longest demure

of wanting to live the life

while I'm still sure...

Paint me a Busy Bee

My solitude did beckon me
My emptiness, fancy-free
No hustle or bustle I would heed
I'd rise each morning
and not think till wee
and there I'd be,
kicked back into writing prolifically

I never thought of days, really
How they'd end and where I'd be
So far estranged from meaning,
such obscene privacy

Sitting on my computer busily,
work to do, mails to see
And IM friends to chat hastily

Sitting back with my coffee sometimes,
a sip before it tastes like tea
Then the phone would ring
and keep ringing busily

The first to call, dearest of all
My mom...
"Did you make it to the office at all?"
My manager then would have a second go,
"What time did you come in?
How's the workflow?"
 
And slowly the day,
from here begins to take shape
They all want to know
what, when, where I will be

Available for what they need
I need to schedule that call immediately

Off then to the nearest hold
A quick bite, a grub, hot or cold
A quick text and a glance at the TV
What's happening there?
Another celebrity stamping his hold,
and the lot of us fixated ever more
 
Some more caffeine can't top that
Another cup and the day begins again

A meeting and a plan of action
Effecting schedules and curbing interaction
mechanical, mechanical...

"Another meeting, tomorrow then, will you please?"
"Sure, of course!" The need of the hour, you see!

A deviation then can seem like a curse,
like an emergency ward with a missing nurse
and can things really go more astray
living in a dream that doesn't begin any day
 
While in school, my teacher would often tell me
"If you observe carefully life will teach you poetry"

But, oh, this monotony rhymes with distaste
what was I thinking and
how is this professional if
deep within it doesn't seem chaste

Ah, daydreams! I just overshot my break
Get back to you again later

I've to go chase someone's dreams

While making a report a message beeps,
from a friend it reads
"Are you on for the movie tonight?"

Reacting with a "Sorry"
I feel almost wishfully apologetic,
could I have taken this flight?

The might of fancy
and this materialistic hold,
how have fortunes faded and
and at what rate am I growing old?

Suddenly, it all becomes amusing again,
when the ticking clock suddenly
seems visible to me

In a few hours I'll be free...
How can I shape the end?
Before I know another day would be spend
without me having been 'me'

Will I look back
and would it all still come to me?

When will these words melt to glee?
Inversed logics and reverse polarity...
So much for insularity.

If ever it is to be, it'll be
today I submit another day to my destiny

Wanting for it to germinate till it becomes my greed,
I hope to keep the fuel burning with my poetry

Away from home, but close to my might,
Learning to fly while hoping to flee...

Hide

Marble to dew
Ocean to Grey
Shelter to the philanderer
Courage to disarray

I hide from what I seek in you,

or else you'll become me

and I'll make way
for you to take my shape

Asphalt to Aztec
Silver to moonlight
Black to a blind
and
pain to the dead

I do not suffer from insanity
I live in a madness
that I call my own

I can't live in this world
and can't hide self
from the one
you've shown ..

One in which I
lost myself
and gained lots of you
and so you know
I'm reaching myself...

Pieces to glue,
old things to new,
cowardness to a prophecy due,
reality to the things that
lead me to you...

I can't go on walking
my steps don't abide
The truth in your silence
that I can't hide isn't
any old nor new

for me or for you ...

Feelings to those dead
Meanings to the deaf
Confessions to love
and
resistance to death

Stop now,
enough...

Purpose ending,
togetherness bending,
rise and fall of the leaves
All accumulated in treasures,
the only priceless spending ...

Cage to my dreams
voice to your fears
Miracle to my reality
and reason to your cheer ...

My present gives
me a flickering fear
and my past's
the rhythm divine

In floating merriment
of this arrangement
I'm losing my pain
in my mind

Hidden from the nearest
lot and into the blue
my tears still float
while these joys rinse the sky ...

Alibi

I felt once
I have the gift
and then I was told
I mustn't lie...
I posted my quotes
from coast to coast
and I traveled far and wide,
to bring those out
who were happy to hide
I sheltered in their pain
and I laughed in the gain
till it made no sense
for me to guide
I made the most
of living life
as a saintly ghost
till I came across the anonymity within
It was darker than the night
and there was nothing I could hide
And I felt as if I wouldn't remain...
I could see it did stem
from whom
I was running away from,
while wanting to be too much
of what I was too shy to say
I was to wake and never wry
I was to break this myth and untie
I walk in hope for the days will come
I walk to ensure, mine they'll be ...

All about loving you ...

Loving comes easy
when you don't even realize

it flows so true

Living is disbelieving
when I turn back to the memory
of living without you

We've been around, both
me and you
we've seen the thunder
and we've held
that summer true

There is no saying what
brought us near
except perhaps
it just was so right

Ask me, if you may
how are we close
even as we're so far

Look within and you'll know
Loving you
is living more than I never knew

How good is dreaming now?
I've been dreaming all this time

It's time we live for a dream
to know how well we are
alive

It's time we live to live

to know

all that we missed

while those knocking cried ...

To know what love is

while all we get

is hatred from world outside

The feeling that love brings

upon which we could

never confide

Heading Home ..

Be strong tonight,
remember who you are
Memories are at play
misty eyed visions
are blurred
and best kept at bay

The passage has long
kept reeling
the world hasn't come to
standstill
as I'm comforting myself
to the feeling

Faced with propositions
tempting insane
Feelings hurling,
Have I become profane ?

The guild of my guardians
are holding the blame
For all my endeavors
ready to fight all claims

The one most troubling,
yet, is poised within .

I've growing delusions
of becoming insane
I work towards sanity
to rest their claims

Walking blindfolded
on the cliff
Nirvana,
I've decided to abstain

I'm heading home ..

Ready to begin
where I left
when my eyes closed
to the world last night ..

Guilty ..



I testify
I made a mistake
I cant run
I have no space to hide
I wish I could lie
I wish the
walls would open up ..
And I wouldn't
have to sulk every night
I must rectify
But
Where to begin from
and
Who all to pacify ..
The whole world
seems to be
cornering me
with questioning eyes
A mistake is one
In which intentions
don't dwindle
Just the worldly ways are
belied ..
It happened
one night
Too dark too see now
Too bright to dignify
What becomes of a disgrace ?
Is a shade more cursed than
A black spot ..
This fear will perhaps
pass death by ..
Why .. what no one can understand..
Is yet what matters,
Why cannot something else suffice ?
I see an image
of mine
painted black
In a colorful world
I close my eyes
It just doesn't pass me by ..
I see truth lingering
On my lips
I see lies smiling
At me wry ..
Matters that
We have no control over ..
Are also the ones we cant deny
In matters of heart
I wish the mind could
walk me by ..
Guilt ridden
In my bed
waiting for
an answer
As questions
pile up on my soul ..
and enlarge this void
I muster up for resurgence
As I prepare to let go ..
I have feared enough the
consequences
I must now do ..
I have nothing to lose
Nothing more to hide ..

All the thoughts
I think
and
All that
I choose
not to speak
Are the ones
that keep
me up
and thinking all night ..

To you ...


I try and write
what I cannot say
I cannot say ..
I wonder how they do ..
Something perceptible ..
Retiring to admit,
Copious to pursue
I hear echoes within
I hear them true
I tried to blasphemise
More entangled I grew
To say what
I am not able to
Dumbfounded
Why I would need to ..
I may not do it
I may never reach you
How can I best say ..
It wouldn't really
be a 'life'
without you
If it would happen someday
I wouldn't know
If I should wait
that long
How long in that wait I'd grow ?
I would never know if it'd come true
I'm confronted
being honest ..
Risking self
I search for the aspect of me
thats you ..
To bring something
to shape
from darkness
And to let it brew ..
Wonder what'll happen
If I let it ensue
Perish in the travails
Become someone to you ..
I am so lost into words
Yet I'm helpless without them too
Pitiful yet, they don't bring
me any closer to you ..
If words wouldn't do it
Would my thoughts ever reach you ?
The ones that resonate
the absence
within me
pacify the quest that
makes you
wander too ..
I started from myself
today
I hope tomorrow brings us to two
A me and a you ..