NEARNESS OF YOU

Dressed in black and blue

wearing a mischievous smile

 

Walking as if you own the world

and smiling as if it’s been a while

 

You come… and serenade the mundane

blow by blow

I ask, where did I let myself go…

Where did I lose focus in time?

The endeavor or the grace,

where did I fall out of my fast pace

and slowly started to live back time...

The moment you start

is the moment I became benign

I know little is known of you

to those standing in line

And I may too end up
waiting in time
but I'll take every chance
that gets me to you

One day at a time
I think we can make it through
till you become me
or I you...

And what would I not give if I could find...

what you hide in silence

Are those the words that will set me free?

But all that you look for

and all that you do

is what makes you true

I try and hide, keep a level head

and grow far out of sight,

keep calm and while away time

 

Because when you walk away,

each time it causes deep pain

It’s a feeling I’ve not known
and I know somehow I won't again

But it comes to me and remains

with long after I’ve mulled

all that there was to

In silence and at midnight

I am used to being my own cynosure

you’ve come and displaced
that rapture, jolted the core..

Everything there was, I was

after and before...

And I thought I was complete

before you came and chipped me away

and in the most populous of places

I feel more barren than I was yesterday

And yet I long to wait in each line

knowing not what lies ahead..

 

Could it be a mirage that lulled me in time...

Hoping you'd have me

somewhere in your heart if not mind...

Could I ever call you mine…?

I know I must be losing it

cause somehow I take everything you give me

as a final part of this tale

It kills me to know we’re not conjoined at heart...

we never were and it may stay so; we grow apart

 

But growing old together is my wistful mind at play

And gnawing at its doorstep is a hope

that this winter will turn

into a romantic autumn someday

And the hope wakes me up each day too

I could die each night

if all my mornings were to begin with you

And all that you leave behind is something

I could never earn...

And what could I say to you but go on…

I’m lying in hope,

only hoping that it brings some respite

I know odds overwhelm me

like nothing else in the world
and its them against my might

And yet I dare to ask you each time
you are the one for me and there's nothing
that will close that thought in time

It’s the audacity of hope that makes me inane

to bleed out any shame, discomfort or pain
and look beyond that dysfunctional logics
that obfuscate the pain

And seek you till you’re far away from my sight

and might... (which I know you never will be)

and nestled in oblivion…

And if curtains fall on this sight

I’ll not be putting up any fight…

I'm in love and always will be...

Somewhere, happy I’ll be dreaming,

gazing down your deep magical eyes

relinquishing alone in my heaven…

of togetherness that would only renew

  A vision that remained

while you leapt towards skies…

AN EQUAL MUSIC

Some new notes from my eyes on display

a few heart to heart tunes

and the music melted everyone away

I don't play for the distinguished wholes

or say it for the unsung souls

I could play though what would fight the light

to keep you where I savor the sight

Far from the prying eyes

I did take you away

but now that you are far from me

I take refuge in the musings of the moments

spent together

a comatose time

no feelings or thoughts spoken

any emotion would do just fine

please just keep indifference at bay

'take some pictures

that you may keep

that will lighten up your day

while I will go for my beauty sleep'

deep within I know you like I never knew myself

and I see what you look for is right through me...

painfully true and truly painful too

Can I stop and apologize,

its just me, just me and its meant to...

Its meant to ache and that's not where

I lose my way

It bites and stings and I would let it too

but this numbness that gnaws at me

in the wake of night...

I could get lost in your eyes

and believe everything in the end

will always be alright

Taking heart, there is another day

some more pain and some love to give away

O selfish heart, why do you seek

how can you keep what isn't yours to stake

Enough now, lets see where this night meets day...

I'm Yours...

I’ll wait my turn
I’ve waited before
I’ll wait some more

 
I’ll wait for you to think,

till you can’t think no more

I know you’ve doubts
fears and inhibitions that you can’t flout,
that like clouds exacerbate your pain

I know you do...

 
And I do long to seek what makes you
lose your sleep, so I could take it all away 

Give you love, and make you stay

I’ll loll in wait
Ah! Everyday I’ll take shelter till then
under you long tresses,

the never-ending mane

To let you see that I’m here to stay
I love you so; it gets hard to be away
But I’m willing to, 

there is no wait more worth I’ve had to make

I know I came and messed it up 

I couldn’t long any more in your wake
You, my muse, kept me wide awake
and swept me up from where I fell last
and picked me up and kept at the task

I know I ask a lot from you too
But liking me will be loving yourself too

 
I know I said ‘like’ and I know you're yet to feel that too

but the truth is... that I love you

 
I’m yours, 

and that position I know was never mine to take

But I’m here now

and there is nothing I will not stake,

to let you go will be

the biggest mistake I'll never make

To hold you up and still my doomed fate
there are no promises I would break...
 I’m willing to walk the line
If I know you’re mine

I know it sounds cheesy, it may read so too
some old limerick from a third grader, who
can’t seem to think through...

 
And a kid I’ve become as I know not anyone pure,

 who could say it without crossing his heart

that he is sure…

Course, they say love is an adult affair,

two sorted minds who could turn up in pairs,
and you fit the bill, I know you do

 
To think of anyone would kill me,

through and through

And I know you’re as right

as I can get in life

 
And come what may,

I’ll be here as much as I was yesterday

 
Your love has made me stronger this way
So keep smiling and let me hold you like you have...

 
It’s because you’re stronger,

you’ve the strength to guide
my love and fears in your direction

 
And there isn’t a better form or affection that I know

Thank you,

you’re much more to me

than you’ll ever know…

I’m yours

and I know I’ve got nothing to show (for it)

Except that I...

I’m here to stay,

and I will be here

even if you go away…

EMPTY SPACES

Talk to me about your soul

tell me the word that best rhymes
with whole

Give me a peek into the black

and let me shine in benign

Keeping all nerves at bay

he's been wanting to say

she's been holding his sleep

and its been that way

I can't tell you how deep

the fable blends in sleek

what changes is little 

as night gives way to day

the hope is in kind,

an affection that lives in his mind

a vignette little less than perfect

hangs in dismay

and the feelings inside are but

a cure, no restitution possible

as the ailment is far from pure

the mind plays trivial games

hunts at night and hides all day

no one brings to light

what chiaroscuro is building at the bay

Tell me this is not a rabbit hole

with reflections of past

coming back to life

He moves from hope to courage,

mortgaging his fear

Looking back there were no chances taken

so all that was lost was just never there...

BREAKING DAWN

An open door

with eyes wide shut

a breathing body

with a decrepit soul

sense of a life of semblance

with no human form to embrace or abhor 

For every start the answer is new

the path is unknown

and the reason is you

A sense of fear of not loneliness,

but a dark spell

cast by the envious white light

cursing me with nothing else but insight

Where could this take me, no cure

living inside a mind

I'm trapped and abject

to all around, unsure

And you couldn't come to see

me at dusk

I bared my soul 

to the crowd

and yet you could only be

who you were

who you wanted to be

someone, somewhere

but not a cure for my insanity

In broken ways I wonder why I still ask

for you

for myself

for any insipid ask

Should I just mourn or wait for twilight

if you could see me now

I'd disappear into the background of 'despite'

I couldn't ask you question

how could I

what if you had an answer

for all I would have is an alibi

for standing, waiting

not moving or seeing

anything else left for me from yesterday

except you...

Tonight stands for you and me

for all that we are

and for all that we can never be

ASYLUM

 Wake me up 

I want to climb up the wall

don't trim me down

I'm not going taking the fall

I'm not looking for shelter

or a place to weep

drink me down with the dew

I'm running through my sleep

Shades in this darkness

have the same hue

silence before the storm

that I'm fighting over you..

Where do you dissipate,

my philandering soul

why do you nest in the

sordid sky

Why when you can't walk

you want to size the earth

spleen the green

and sip the mirth

I prayed for wings

but my tears bled me dry

I leapt in the air

but the ground fell shy

I call for your dreams

mine are far behind my sight

don't think of me when I'm gone

I wouldn't be glad to know 

I was right

Kill me if you must

but let me know if we survived

I've lost fear of dying

for its living that I've survived

When I'm done sleeping

I'll gauge my fall

look in the mirror

and wait for you call...

Perfectly lonely

something somewhere

somewhat amiss

thinking and grieving

I can but ignore

where is the silence

that I've not wanted to endure

in between walls

sounds of hollow shaken beauty

and a myth of

guarded demons shadowing the night

tame the hunger

the desire, the greed

taste the bittersweet

the ride to follow

here comes the sun

here comes the sun

no sun to follow

the darkness too hollow

the mystery is

that there is but none

a want to deep

and a rage to run

far and wild

and up and above

to a placed call home

where I will meet love

and but there the story won't end...

Face-lift

Take me in your stride

I've been an eyesore for long

Or tell me where to hide

Now that I've found you

I can't move on

At least tell me the meaning of this divide

I can't fathom another misfortune

Leaving and parting are meanings

I fail to accept

I've been numb far too long

People came and left

and took with them

what they saw was warm

when you came around and

mended me through

time seemed to stand still

and life seemed to renew

I woke up and sought a new life

and forgot the miseries that befell

Sing me now a victory song

before you move to your seams

I wish there was no more storms

but such is life

and I too will march on